Re: A Question for Everyone

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Posted By A Son-Rise Message Board Participant on January 08, 19100 at 21:56:12:

In Reply to: A Question for Everyone posted byAnnon. on December 19, 1999 at 21:35:05:

Wow, what great thoughts everyone shared in answer to this question. I agree that the more comfortable we are and more open we are in sharing with others who may wonder, the more helpful we can be to both our children and the other people.

Some additional thoughts did come to my mind though. That is wondering if our children's unusual behaviors in public may be a communication that certain places are too stimulating for them. In our early days of Son-Rise, we were encouraged to watch Curtis very closely for signs of stress or environments that were less facilatiting in helping him grow. We found that taking him to crowded places or noisy environments was counterproductive to what we were working towards. As he let his walls down, he went through a period where these places were even tougher on him. We found it to be much more productive to keep him in as much as possible at that time and then as he became more and more comfortable with people and less freaked out by the world, we eased him out all the while giving him the choice, listening to him and watching for signs of stress or walls going up. As he showed a desire to get out more and be with people, we could share the "rules of the world" with him and he was also more observant of how others acted or looked at him when he did things they might think were strange. We could then share this as an observation and get his input "why do you think they were staring? did you like it when they looked at you?" Even before we had these discussions, he made the choice to comform most of the time and not ism in public, even though we never told him not to ism in public. We were always very clear though that if you are disruptive of others, you leave.

Now we're at a stage where he really enjoys being out and rarely isms in public. We still give him the choice as to whether he'll go out most of the time. He chose to attend 8 out of 9 of the Christmas events/parties and behaved really well at all of them. At two of them, he got a little bored and wiggly, and I simply quietly asked if he wanted to go home. When he said no, I said that if he wished to stay, he would need to stay quiet and sit still. Since it was his choice to stay, and he knew we'd leave if it got too much for him, he was motivated to make the extra effort to stay calm.
Gaylen

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Subject: Re: Re: A Question for Everyone

Comments:: Wow, what great thoughts everyone shared in answer to this question. I agree that the more comfortable we are and more open we are in sharing with others who may wonder, the more helpful we can be to both our children and the other people. : Some additional thoughts did come to my mind though. That is wondering if our children's unusual behaviors in public may be a communication that certain places are too stimulating for them. In our early days of Son-Rise, we were encouraged to watch Curtis very closely for signs of stress or environments that were less facilatiting in helping him grow. We found that taking him to crowded places or noisy environments was counterproductive to what we were working towards. As he let his walls down, he went through a period where these places were even tougher on him. We found it to be much more productive to keep him in as much as possible at that time and then as he became more and more comfortable with people and less freaked out by the world, we eased him out all the while giving him the choice, listening to him and watching for signs of stress or walls going up. As he showed a desire to get out more and be with people, we could share the "rules of the world" with him and he was also more observant of how others acted or looked at him when he did things they might think were strange. We could then share this as an observation and get his input "why do you think they were staring? did you like it when they looked at you?" Even before we had these discussions, he made the choice to comform most of the time and not ism in public, even though we never told him not to ism in public. We were always very clear though that if you are disruptive of others, you leave. : Now we're at a stage where he really enjoys being out and rarely isms in public. We still give him the choice as to whether he'll go out most of the time. He chose to attend 8 out of 9 of the Christmas events/parties and behaved really well at all of them. At two of them, he got a little bored and wiggly, and I simply quietly asked if he wanted to go home. When he said no, I said that if he wished to stay, he would need to stay quiet and sit still. Since it was his choice to stay, and he knew we'd leave if it got too much for him, he was motivated to make the extra effort to stay calm. : Gaylen