Re: Letting Go of Belongings Momentarily

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Posted By A Son-Rise Message Board Participant on December 13, 1999 at 18:21:37:

In Reply to: Letting Go of Belongings Momentarily posted byJennifer on December 09, 1999 at 23:11:18:

Jen,
We always try to explain things that may be difficult to Brenen far in advance of them happening. Perhaps before you even go out you might want to let him know how things are going to go. Let him know at least a few more times before it happens.

As far as saying "no", we try to avoid that word like the plague! The closest we come to that in the playroom is "danger", followed by "Brenen, what do you need to do?" An example is if he stands on his toy oven. He almost always says "Brenen get down", and gets down. If he chews on a "dangerous" toy we offer him another choice (teethers), but avoid telling him he can't do it. If he has a tantrum and spits on the floor, we tell him "Oh, I guess you need to spit. Where do we spit?" He will usually go to the toilet or sink then.

It is more difficult outside the room of course, but we still avoid "No". We still do our best to "Do Option" outside the room. If we are at the store we do our best to go with him. At times however, time does not allow for this. At that point we simply explain the situation and if he has a tantrum we tell him "I understand you want to have (whatever it is) that, but you have to leave it here. I think you feel frustrated by that and I would too. (That is the only "feeling" description I use as I don't want to tell him what he is feeling since I don't really know)It is OK to cry if you want, but now we have to go. Sometimes it works well and at times he tantrums more. If it does not work I still stick to my guns and remain consistant. I don't want to, but if he still won't come with, I will just pick him up and carry him. I don't remember the last time that happened. I hope this helped in some small way!
Love,
Bram

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Subject: Re: Re: Letting Go of Belongings Momentarily

Comments:: Jen, : We always try to explain things that may be difficult to Brenen far in advance of them happening. Perhaps before you even go out you might want to let him know how things are going to go. Let him know at least a few more times before it happens. : As far as saying "no", we try to avoid that word like the plague! The closest we come to that in the playroom is "danger", followed by "Brenen, what do you need to do?" An example is if he stands on his toy oven. He almost always says "Brenen get down", and gets down. If he chews on a "dangerous" toy we offer him another choice (teethers), but avoid telling him he can't do it. If he has a tantrum and spits on the floor, we tell him "Oh, I guess you need to spit. Where do we spit?" He will usually go to the toilet or sink then. : It is more difficult outside the room of course, but we still avoid "No". We still do our best to "Do Option" outside the room. If we are at the store we do our best to go with him. At times however, time does not allow for this. At that point we simply explain the situation and if he has a tantrum we tell him "I understand you want to have (whatever it is) that, but you have to leave it here. I think you feel frustrated by that and I would too. (That is the only "feeling" description I use as I don't want to tell him what he is feeling since I don't really know)It is OK to cry if you want, but now we have to go. Sometimes it works well and at times he tantrums more. If it does not work I still stick to my guns and remain consistant. I don't want to, but if he still won't come with, I will just pick him up and carry him. I don't remember the last time that happened. I hope this helped in some small way! : Love, : Bram