Re: Looking for input

Posted By A Son-Rise Message Board Participant on October 13, 1999 at 01:44:54:

In Reply to: Looking for input posted byGaylen on October 05, 1999 at 17:52:25:

Hi Gaylen!!

Your response reminded me of an exercise we did at Maximum Impact that had a very powerful effect on me. We had been working on defining our purpose; on putting down in words what it was we wanted to do with our lives and with our Son-Rise programs. Then one day Bears had us all write down the 3 meanest things that anybody ever said about our kids. I was a complete basket case listening to the things that some people had been told - by their doctor, by their friends, by their own mothers - it was terrible! "It's such a shame - maybe you should have had an abortion." "Look after her until she's a teenager and then put her in a home." "Here's that autistic kid again." Then he had 3 people get up and surround the person and shout these things repeatedly at the person. I was furious!! How unfair that the words of these morons should live on forever in the minds and hearts of these people, and then they were being memorialized and spread around to even more people - it just made me sick! I cried so much during that class. When Bears asked afterwards if we'd had a 10 experience, I had to admit that I liked to have fun in order to qualify it as a 10, and that was certainly not fun for me!!

Anyway, the second part of the exercise was for the person to read and meditate on their purpose during all the shouting this time. It was amazing to see the difference in the person's expression this time around. It was a powerful lesson for me in learning how to separate myself from distracting B.S. by focusing on my purpose and letting their words roll off me like water. I've found that I'm much better at controlling my crying when I'm hurt these days. :-)

I was lucky enough to have a rich opportunity to practice this again recently. We took Benjamin in for his yearly developmental check at the psychologist's office. To give you some history, Ben was diagnosed with mild to moderate autism at age 3 two years ago, and tested to be functioning at the 18 month old level. One year later, he was tested to be functioning at the 2.5 year old level, and she was amazed at how much more "in our world" he'd become. This year, the results show that he has only made 4-6 months progress in the last year. But as he persevered through the testing and did the best he possibly could, I was amazed at his use of language, his cooperation, his focus, his eye contact, his awareness - none of which was being tested. As the testing went on and on, I knew in my mind that he was the most wonderful boy I know and how very, very proud I was of him, and how it didn't even matter what this doctor was going to say because I loved him exactly the way he was and was happy for every delicious morsel of progress that he'd given me. At that point, he walked up to me and put a toy in my lap and said "I will play with this again tomorrow." And he's never spoken anything like that. Going to her office was just a formality and another objective view - it was just a little distraction from my purpose.

My input would be that you separate yourself and your beautiful Curty from this guy and not let him hurt you because he has absolutely nothing to do with your purpose. He may however have something to do with the means you have though, and I think just holding your head high and believing in what you are doing is your best bet. Ben's teacher asked me to cut down from 3 days a week at his school to 1 and I couldn't go for that, so we ended up having a meeting with her boss and her principal and we compromised on 2 days/week. Those 2 days were a little difficult at first knowing that she didn't want me in there, but I believe I pulled it off by doing what I believed in and keeping an open attitude. I want to be the best I can be, and I don't want to let my emotional state depend on something someone else has said. It's still a struggle for me, and I felt for you in that email. I hope my story helped.

Anyway, you're the greatest, Gaylen. Keep us posted on what happens. Love you - K.

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Subject: Re: Re: Looking for input

Comments:: Hi Gaylen!! : Your response reminded me of an exercise we did at Maximum Impact that had a very powerful effect on me. We had been working on defining our purpose; on putting down in words what it was we wanted to do with our lives and with our Son-Rise programs. Then one day Bears had us all write down the 3 meanest things that anybody ever said about our kids. I was a complete basket case listening to the things that some people had been told - by their doctor, by their friends, by their own mothers - it was terrible! "It's such a shame - maybe you should have had an abortion." "Look after her until she's a teenager and then put her in a home." "Here's that autistic kid again." Then he had 3 people get up and surround the person and shout these things repeatedly at the person. I was furious!! How unfair that the words of these morons should live on forever in the minds and hearts of these people, and then they were being memorialized and spread around to even more people - it just made me sick! I cried so much during that class. When Bears asked afterwards if we'd had a 10 experience, I had to admit that I liked to have fun in order to qualify it as a 10, and that was certainly not fun for me!! : Anyway, the second part of the exercise was for the person to read and meditate on their purpose during all the shouting this time. It was amazing to see the difference in the person's expression this time around. It was a powerful lesson for me in learning how to separate myself from distracting B.S. by focusing on my purpose and letting their words roll off me like water. I've found that I'm much better at controlling my crying when I'm hurt these days. :-) : I was lucky enough to have a rich opportunity to practice this again recently. We took Benjamin in for his yearly developmental check at the psychologist's office. To give you some history, Ben was diagnosed with mild to moderate autism at age 3 two years ago, and tested to be functioning at the 18 month old level. One year later, he was tested to be functioning at the 2.5 year old level, and she was amazed at how much more "in our world" he'd become. This year, the results show that he has only made 4-6 months progress in the last year. But as he persevered through the testing and did the best he possibly could, I was amazed at his use of language, his cooperation, his focus, his eye contact, his awareness - none of which was being tested. As the testing went on and on, I knew in my mind that he was the most wonderful boy I know and how very, very proud I was of him, and how it didn't even matter what this doctor was going to say because I loved him exactly the way he was and was happy for every delicious morsel of progress that he'd given me. At that point, he walked up to me and put a toy in my lap and said "I will play with this again tomorrow." And he's never spoken anything like that. Going to her office was just a formality and another objective view - it was just a little distraction from my purpose. : My input would be that you separate yourself and your beautiful Curty from this guy and not let him hurt you because he has absolutely nothing to do with your purpose. He may however have something to do with the means you have though, and I think just holding your head high and believing in what you are doing is your best bet. Ben's teacher asked me to cut down from 3 days a week at his school to 1 and I couldn't go for that, so we ended up having a meeting with her boss and her principal and we compromised on 2 days/week. Those 2 days were a little difficult at first knowing that she didn't want me in there, but I believe I pulled it off by doing what I believed in and keeping an open attitude. I want to be the best I can be, and I don't want to let my emotional state depend on something someone else has said. It's still a struggle for me, and I felt for you in that email. I hope my story helped. : Anyway, you're the greatest, Gaylen. Keep us posted on what happens. Love you - K.