Re: Lock

Posted By A Son-Rise Message Board Participant on September 29, 1999 at 18:31:07:

In Reply to: Lock posted byWorried on September 29, 1999 at 11:38:00:

I believe that one of the most valuable parts of the Son-Rise program is the room itself. Attitude of course is another very valuable part - Kim's response was wonderful on that! If you'll read "Son-Rise, the Miracle Continues", you'll see the reasons why the Kaufmans chose to work with their son in "a special room".

I'd like to describe my personal experience with "the room" to address some of the things you mentioned in your email. My son has spent hours and hours and hours over the last 2 years hanging on to the doorknob and crying to get out of the room. We have worked very hard to stay as comfortable with him screaming as we are when he's giggling, and we have all grown very much as a result. This has challenged him to use words in a very practical way - to get what he wants! He's learned how to say "OUT!" in a million different ways (e.g., "Please open the door", "I want to get out of the Son-Rise room and go play outside", "I want to go to my bedroom and hang up a picture", etc.) I am convinced that he would never have learned to say any of those things if we'd just let him walk out, and these skills generalize for him so that he can use words to get other things he wants, something that certainly wasn't happening pre-Son-Rise!!

One of the beautiful things about the room is that it is a place where he knows no one will ever say "NO!" to him. It is a predictable place over which he has more control than anything else in his life. At the same time, I have control in there. He is not fed any food in there that I don't want him to have, he has constant one-on-one respectful and consistent companionship, no one ever works against him, everybody loves him to death. To me, this sounds like a dream place for a kid to be! What kid wouldn't want to be in a place like that?

My son spent a lot of time shutting us out of his life. It's been a lot easier to be persistent about getting into his life since he's had to deal with staying in the same room with us for a good part of the day. When we've tried to do the same thing while following him all over the place, we couldn't compete with the other toys and distractions. In the room, we've been able to be the distraction and the interesting toy and gained his attention.

Today he came home from school and was waiting for his grandparents to come over for some reason. This doesn't happen normally during the week - he usually just has an hour home and then we put him into the room and begin our program with Trisha. When Trisha came today, he said "Go away and don't come back. I want Nana and Grampa!" This was so strange for us, and we went with it, asking him why he wanted to see Nana and Grampa so bad, offering him the phone to talk to them (he said "You gotta come over" to them - the first time he's ever said anything on the phone unprompted). So Trisha took him over there and he convinced Grampa to go buy him a Buzz and a Woody (his favorite toys). They went and bought them. Then he looked Trisha in the room and said "Now we can go play in the Son-Rise room."

The room is wonderful, and the lock is necessary. It's all in the way you look at it.

Love - K.

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Follow Ups

• Re: Re: Lock Still Worried 12:20:24 9/30/99 (0)
• Re: Re: Lock Looked Trisha in the Room?? 20:25:07 9/29/99 (0)

Name:
Subject: Re: Re: Lock

Comments:: I believe that one of the most valuable parts of the Son-Rise program is the room itself. Attitude of course is another very valuable part - Kim's response was wonderful on that! If you'll read "Son-Rise, the Miracle Continues", you'll see the reasons why the Kaufmans chose to work with their son in "a special room". : I'd like to describe my personal experience with "the room" to address some of the things you mentioned in your email. My son has spent hours and hours and hours over the last 2 years hanging on to the doorknob and crying to get out of the room. We have worked very hard to stay as comfortable with him screaming as we are when he's giggling, and we have all grown very much as a result. This has challenged him to use words in a very practical way - to get what he wants! He's learned how to say "OUT!" in a million different ways (e.g., "Please open the door", "I want to get out of the Son-Rise room and go play outside", "I want to go to my bedroom and hang up a picture", etc.) I am convinced that he would never have learned to say any of those things if we'd just let him walk out, and these skills generalize for him so that he can use words to get other things he wants, something that certainly wasn't happening pre-Son-Rise!! : One of the beautiful things about the room is that it is a place where he knows no one will ever say "NO!" to him. It is a predictable place over which he has more control than anything else in his life. At the same time, I have control in there. He is not fed any food in there that I don't want him to have, he has constant one-on-one respectful and consistent companionship, no one ever works against him, everybody loves him to death. To me, this sounds like a dream place for a kid to be! What kid wouldn't want to be in a place like that? : My son spent a lot of time shutting us out of his life. It's been a lot easier to be persistent about getting into his life since he's had to deal with staying in the same room with us for a good part of the day. When we've tried to do the same thing while following him all over the place, we couldn't compete with the other toys and distractions. In the room, we've been able to be the distraction and the interesting toy and gained his attention. : Today he came home from school and was waiting for his grandparents to come over for some reason. This doesn't happen normally during the week - he usually just has an hour home and then we put him into the room and begin our program with Trisha. When Trisha came today, he said "Go away and don't come back. I want Nana and Grampa!" This was so strange for us, and we went with it, asking him why he wanted to see Nana and Grampa so bad, offering him the phone to talk to them (he said "You gotta come over" to them - the first time he's ever said anything on the phone unprompted). So Trisha took him over there and he convinced Grampa to go buy him a Buzz and a Woody (his favorite toys). They went and bought them. Then he looked Trisha in the room and said "Now we can go play in the Son-Rise room." : The room is wonderful, and the lock is necessary. It's all in the way you look at it. : Love - K.