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Posted By A Son-Rise Message Board Participant on September 22, 1999 at 18:15:56:
Hi Everyone -
I just wanted to post an email I got from a friend of mine I work with who joined us in our Son-Rise program earlier this year. I found it so inspirational, illustrating the attitude and values we've worked so hard to encourage in our staff.
I thought it would be good for others to see that there are truly wonderful and beautiful people out there who are just waiting to make a difference in their special child's life. I'd love to hear from others about their special volunteers as well - these people make it all possible!!
Here it is:
Kelly and Dave,
I just had to write and tell you about today's session with Ben. I had an incredibly good time. Ben is changing a LOT. It is amazing. I wonder if my working with him only once a week puts me in a unique position to see the change more clearly than those working with him more often.
As has been recently happening when I first go into the room, Ben started saying "I'm gonna git you fer dat!" It truly warms my heart when he does that because I know how much fun the two of us have when we play that game. We played a bit with buzz and woody and a rocket, used the football for a bit, and then, sure enough, he wanted to play with "missus potato head", which is when he wants to ultimately play the "I'm gonna git you fer dat!" game.
Before he asked for the potato head, he went through a lot of talking, describing in great detail the portions of the game that he liked. He went through each portion, smiling, looking me right in the eyes, making motions to describe what he remembered of how the game works. He gave a complete discussion of what the game was about, and we actually talked about it. I was able to ask him about how the game worked, and he happily talked with me about it. When we got to playing the actual game, I was trying to get him to come to the chair instead of to the table. The change from the normal game seemed to be quite confusing to him. He kept repeating that he would "never ever make it to the table", and I told him that instead, he would "never ever make it to the chair". He did it once, and I congratulated him on it, but it seemed to take a lot out of him to do it. He immediately wanted to play a different game.
We then played the "do it" game, with the fishing rod, which I never fully understood, although I did try to play it with him. We also played with the "present", which turned out to be a bag of surgical masks, which I asked him to describe since I couldn't figure out what the "present" was. He had obviously been told by someone that it was a present. Then, he wanted to play with the cups.
THAT is where things really changed. It began normal enough, he was playing the game, and was not including me in it for the most part. He would talk out loud, and look at me when I would say what he had said. I asked him if I could play with buzz too. He seemed to ignore me for the most part though. I watched him play. He was acting out the part in the toy story when buzz was in the machine with other toys, and the "crane" went to pick buzz up. I watched VERY carefully to see how he played the game. I tried very carefully to participate without "invading" his world. In other words, I tried to join him, without causing alarm. I don't really know how I knew how to "completely" join him, but somehow, I picked up how to join him in this game.
This was a different sort of joining though, than I had EVER had with Ben. I literally became part of the game, and it wasn't MY game, it was his. I was able to add to it as we redid the ism over and over, I remembered what you had been telling me about bringing things to my face, and I did that, and it paid off so very very well. Ben just positively LIT UP! He was literally JOYOUS in playing the game with me. He let me have nearly full control of how woody and buzz went through the ism, he let me direct the ism, and that let me add bits and pieces to it every time we did it again. He was looking directly in my eyes, and not only was his face smiling, his EYES were smiling at me.
I guess perhaps I don't remember enough from the movie, I didn't think the toys in the case were called "sheep", but that is what Ben called them. At one point during the ism, I would pick up a "sheep" (a small teddy bear), and buzz, and hand them to Ben to place in the "claw". He took a great deal of joy in talking about how there was "1 sheep and 1 buzz". He would tell me this fact, looking right in my face, and he seemed really happy to share that fact with me. It is hard to describe. Later in the ism, I would pick up another "sheep" and woody, and hand them to him to place into the claw. He would again inform me that he had "1 sheep and 1 woody". He is such a happy young fellow! :)
I learned a ton today about how to join Ben in his ism's, and I think that in joining him in such a complete way, and his letting me add to the ism in so many different ways, he and I both learned more about playing together than we did in all the other sessions that we have had together. I cannot describe it to you in words, but Ben let me "in" to his world more today than I knew could happen. I think I will be better equipped to help him as time goes on because of what happened today. I have been trying to place in my mind what the specific circumstances were that allowed me to get this close to him today, and I am not sure what they were.
I look forward to talking with you about this on Thursday. One other thing. As much as I really felt bad that Ben didn't immediately call out to you when you knocked at the door, I did feel a certain lift in my heart to know that he was engrossed enough in the game we were playing that he didn't respond to the knock at the door. That is the first time that has ever happened.
My step is a little lighter today than it has been. :) Have a most excellent day! :)
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