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Posted By A Son-Rise Message Board Participant on August 30, 1999 at 12:41:27:
I have been reading your posts with feelings of deja vu. Before I went to the Start Up Program my thoughts were consumed by what the future held for my son. He was doing things that I had read hardened crimnals did when they were kids. I also was quite concerned that my son could always be dependent upon us, and never develop the skills necessary to be independent. These fears can be overwhelming and exhausting. I had also heard that the people at Lovaas would not work with children older than four, and my son was six at the time. I was also reading that if kids don't learn to talk at certain ages they will never talk normally. I felt like I had blown it big time, and was very upset at the developmental pediatrician that diagnosed my son at age three for not telling me about the approaches I should have taken.
What I learned at the Start Up Program that was so powerful and effective in how I worked with my son is that those concerns take you out of the present moment. Before, I was looking at my son and letting those concerns be what I saw. I was using fear as a motivator. Once I realized this and how ineffective it made me in working with my son, I felt a huge weight lifted from me. For the first time since the diagnosis I felt truly happy that I had my son! I was actually bursting with ideas about how to help my son, and wrote down about fifty of them on my way home from the Start Up on the airplane!
John, I don't think any of us can convince you to go to the Start Up by just using this message board. The woman who told me to go, who has a son your child's age that she does the Son Rise Program with, told me to just go. I had read the Son Rise book, and the approach felt right to me. I called and asked her lots of questions, which she answered for me. But she could tell I was still tentative. She said to just go, because no amount of explaining would begin to touch the learning that goes on at the Start Up. Was she right!
I can tell from your desire to help your son that you will be a tremendous leader of a Son Rise Program. Go for the gold, John. We are working with the school system, but there are too many conflicts to make that our only program.
At the Start Up I wrote a list of ten things I would like my son to be doing. These were real dream items, things that I would never have thought possible. He is now doing all of them, and he actually did most of them within six months of starting the program.
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