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Posted By ---> A Son-Rise Message Board Participant on February 03, 2000 at 11:35:28:
: My son is ll years old and went through the Son Rise program five years ago at Option Institute (with wonderful results). At the time, the team agreed with my husband and me that he was better off in regular school (mainstreaming). This has also been very successful. However, recently Thomas has started to feel inferior to his friends who have an easier time with learning, motor skills, etc.
: I would love to hear from anyone who has a high functioning child and how they have approached the situation in terms of discussing the child's diagnosis.
: My son is basically a very happy child who (I thank God) is doing well. Howver, I hear that kids can really go downhill at puberty and I'd like to take as many preventive measures as possible.
: Any insight is greatly appreciated.
Hi Maureen,
I have an 11 year old "normal" son Alex and a 9 year old son Nick who has a Son Rise program and is mainstreamed. We haven't hit the puberty issue yet with Nick, but are seeing it with Alex. Since Alex has a special brother and some kids in his classes at school and Nick has encountered some of these issues I will take a shot at helping.
At school we have found it to be very helpful to get the whole staff on board for making Nick's mainstreaming a success. This was not to easy up until this year. The school people kept recommending a special day class instead of mainstreaming. We found that what made the biggest difference this year was to work with the principal of the school. If we could get her on board then she was capable of creating the atmosphere for Nick to succeed. What a difference a year makes! Now, Nick's teachers are happy to have him in their class. If you want to know how we did this with the principal, send me an email.
The reason I think this is so important is that the staff of the school sets the mood for the kids. When Alex had a new kid come into his class who was different (he had no physical differences, but had lots of different behaviors), the teacher made little attempt to include the new kid. Instead, he isolated him by punishing him in public for his different behaviors. Before long the kids were being willing tattle tails on the special kid, and the teacher let this system flourish. The special boy soon left the class.
In many ways we as parents are at the cutting edge for future children like our own. The emphasis of the new IDEA is to mainstream, so there will be more and more kids like ours in the school system. The more comfortable the staff can get with them, the easier the transition will be. I am very grateful to congress for making mainstreaming the first choice to be considered at annual placement meetings.
Son Rise also gives us some very powerful tools to help our kids. By letting Nick know that only he can determine how he feels about something and that he is not a victim of his emotions or what others say or think, he can work with these differences. We then help him realize that he will be able to think more clearly about how to help himself if he is happy and comfortable and not upset about his differences. Also by working with his motivations and developing his areas of strength, he can have his own areas where he excels. For example, he loves to learn about history-the presidents and World War 2 are his biggest areas of interest now. We have pointed this out to his teacher, and she has made opportunities for him. It also helps to encourage the teacher to call on Nick, so that he can show his abilities and feel a part of the class.
Is there an area that your son can help other kids, or adults for that matter? It really seems to help self esteem if the opportunities to help others exist.
Remembering my own experience and watching Alex, one of the most valuable guides through adolescence is a good friend. It really helped to have someone to relate all of the changes to. It makes it much easier to accept that someone is better at sports or academics if you have a peer to talk to about it.
My sister teaches high school kids in a program where the kids may have dropped out or got in trouble somehow and are returning to get their diploma. She told me that one of the best things to remember as a parent at these times is that this is the time to communicate more than ever. Take every opportunity to talk and keep communication open and inviting. She said that it may seem that this is the time that we should be encouraging independence, but that does not mean to let them go on autopilot.
I hope some of this is helpful. I would love it if you could relate more of your experience to all of us.
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