Massage Ism

Massage Ism

Postby timothyhiranjan » Tue May 15, 2012 6:00 am

Hi!
My son Timothy loves massages and tickles. for the past months we have been giving him massages, doing massage games etc. Now we recently noticed that his love for massages has turned into a verbal ism. He says massage's all the time, and also he says "massage" when he wants us to "back-off", however he also wants his massages from time to time.
We have been trying very hard to notice the difference between the verbal ism and the massage that he really wants.
We don't know really how to join his verbal ism "massage". What we do is, we build on it. When he says "massage" and we know its an ism, we say f.i. yes we like massage or I know you like massages, or nice massage, or we sing a small massage song. We also take a bit of a distance from him and we do our massage ism. Other than building on it like that we can't come up with anything else.
Any other idea's, suggestions or comments?
Thanks so much!
Desiree
timothyhiranjan
 
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Re: Massage Ism

Postby BeckyDamgaard » Wed May 16, 2012 3:00 pm

Hi Desiree,

Wow, that sounds like fun! It sound like you have been doing a wonderful job allowing yourself to try different things to see what works best for this particular activity!

The only way you are going to know if it's a green light or not is to try first building. If he then doesn't respond, I would then join him by saying the actual word he is saying in the same way as him.

So first, Timothy says "Massage" celebrate him for telling you and offer him massages in the way you first did. If he responds and enjoys it, you have an interaction, if he doesn't respond (staring off, flat facial expression, paying more attention to something else) but he is still saying the word, back away and say it with him. If he seems to be saying it to get you to give him space, explain to him "It seems like you don't want a massage now, next time, you can tell me no.

With love,
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Re: Massage Ism

Postby timothyhiranjan » Fri May 18, 2012 5:07 am

Hi Becky!

tks so much! Im so excited to see that you still have time within your busy schedule with the little one to reply to our posts! Hope you are all doing great!
I really find it difficult to see if it's a real ism or not.
timothy will ask for massage. First he asks it at a normal tone of voice. He doesn't look at you (he hides his face a little behind his arm lately and he keeps asking. I celebrate him for asking, and than i give the massage, but most of the time he is not responding (looking, getting excited, talking etc.) he just "undergoes" the massage. When I stop however, he immediately asks for the massage again. When I build on it, also hardly any respond, but than again when i stop immediately he asks for a new massage. So he does respond to me stopping (not giving) the massage. Today I spend 1 hour in the playroom only around the massages. It went like a dance, asking - giving - ignoring me - asking - me giving etc. and i build on it with balloons and little balloon dances and balloonmassages and we spoke about the arms and the hands (im working on vocabulary now, really to make sure he understands expressive and receptive) so it went really well, however as said Im not sure if its an ism or not. If it's an ism, he goes off maybe few seconds and comes back to me saying "massage or massage arm" again. If its not an ism.... yeah! than he interacted with one topic for 65 min.!!!
the same started now also with kisses. He will ask "kiss" all the time, pulls me and want me to kiss him. Actually i can't go anywhere without him hanging on me and asking for kisses. Its ofcourse really cute that he does that, and he really wants the kisses, but he wants it all the time!
Couldn't it be a repetitious behavior instead of an ism? and is there a different way that we approach this? Or do you think its possible that he just likes to really interact around kisses and massages?
Tks so much for your reply!
Hugs and smiles and big kiss for Evie!
timothyhiranjan
 
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Re: Massage Ism

Postby BeckyDamgaard » Thu May 31, 2012 4:33 pm

Hi Desiree,

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job! It's possible that it's not an ism, but in that case I want to help him to connect more with me, it sounds like he says the word and then checks out. I would then try asking for eye contact (looks at others to start or conrinue the interaction), you can explain it to him that you want to make sure he is playing with you so if he keeps looking, you will know he really wants the massage. If he then doesn't respond, explain, "You say massage but then don't seem to be interested so I will join you".

Also, sometimes our children can do these types of behaviors when they are trying to control us, perhaps you could experiment with the way you are joining him by giving him more distance, making sure you arenot over-building, etc. Feel free to keep experimenting.

Thank you for your interest in Evie, she is my little angel!

With love,
BeckyDamgaard
 
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Re: Massage Ism

Postby timothyhiranjan » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:55 am

Hi Becky!
Tks so much for your reply again! It looks like it has become a really controlling "thing". He gets very obsessive about it, he keeps saying "massage, massage" or kiss kisss and he grabs your arm and pulls you towards him. if we sit on the floor he comes really close almost on top of me and i can't move, he keeps asking for the massage and the kiss. when you don't give it quickly he keeps asking again, and when i give a massage, he hits me :-( very often.
i have now tried to build in a bit of a delay, so when he asks for massage, i will tell him, i will give the massage "after i have..... put the water on the shelf f.i. ,or put a toy away etc.) I noticed than he is much more relaxed and has actually forgotten about the massage he asked for. I still give the massage, but I try to start a little conversation with him, asking where he wants the massage etc. and wait for his reponse. if he doesn't responds i join him.
Im trying now to keep more distance, but he really doesn't like that to much..
Is there any thing else I could do?
tks so much becky! xx desiree
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Re: Massage Ism

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Re: Massage Ism

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