Autism Treatment Center of America Forum

[mariana]

Hello! I have been running my son's programe for over a month now (he's 5 dx PDD NOS) and I haven't so far been able to identify any exclusive isms! EVERYTHING he does requires our participation. He loves reciting scripts from his favourite series, for examples, but he'll pause for us to repeat after him, even tells us which voice he wants us to do. He calls this "chatting", so when we enter tha playroom, he says "Shall we talk about Lazy Town mum?". Also, he likes to do some gym moves like his favourite super heroe, and again, he calls this "sharing", so - since we started with the programe and started doing whatever it was that he was doing- he says "would you like to share with me? I want to share with you" and so starts the jumping and arm flexing etc. I just love this, it's so much fun, and it feels so good to be invited to join! ( I think he got the concept of joining the very first day we did it)
I have identified these two as isms because of the degree of control he claims about everyting that happens at that moment and because we are supposed to mirror his actions and words exactly, and the tendency is to repeat the same over and over again. Is this correct? Are these isms?
Now, the games we play are also extremely repetitious, only he's more flexible (he uses toys, allows us to use toys, we can create a little plot, we can introduce minor and - lately - major variations. My question is: are the games supposed to be sooo repetitive? are we supposed to play the same "press my nose and I'll do voices" game 50 consecutive times? What I have done so far is follow his lead and play the games for as long as he wants to, trying to make them more appealing by using his favourite music, characters, noises, etc. ButIs this way the right way to go? I feel comfortable and we both have fun doing this, but I wanted to make sure we're on the right path.
Thanks a lot !
Mariana

[KimKorpady]

Dear Mariana,
Frist of all, congratualtions for starting up your Son-Rise Program!! You'r son sounds absolutely adorable and sooo soo much fun! I would love to come and play some of these great games he has

Wow, what a great desire you have to truly help your son, love him deeply, and have fun together, this is beautiful! I am excitedly here to help you gain some clarity on what your next steps can be for your Son-Rise Program...

In your message you asked about a couple of your son's games and if they acutally were isms because of the level of control that he was asking for... you also asked whether games were to supposed to be so repetitive, and if you are to play the same "press my nose and I'll do voices" game 50 consecutive times... but the key piece out of all of this that really caught my attention when reading what you wrote was when you told me exactly what you were doing- "following his lead"...

The reason this is so important and wonderful to realize, is that this one piece of awareness will help you cover both of the questions you had, and ultimately help you create the change you wish to see! Hurray!

The best part here is this: We dont know until we try. What this means is that by you taking decisive action (taking the lead more) in the playroom with him, you will be more equipt to help him be decisive (choosing whether he wants to be exclusive or interactive). You will also be able to really help stretch your son and challenge him to play games outside of his usual routinized game selection (what I mean by this is that you will be able to help your son play games that you want to play- with your personal plot- showing an interst in what you're suggesting , or play games where he has to become more spontaneous, or he is physically participating more, etc.).

What I suggest to you is to take a big leap forward in the playroom and try asking your son to show up in his games in a new way. This of course requires you to make new suggestions to him when playing games. The best way for you to figure out what new suggestions to make when playing these games with him is to gain clairty by looking at the Son-Rise Program Delopmental Model and choosing a goal for him in an area which you want to stretch and help him grow in. Let this be your guide and then work on helping him in that area that you find to be a challenge for him.

When I talk about taking decisive aciton in the playroom I also mean this in terms of when to join your son and when you play interactivly with your son. A great way to know if your son is exclusive and isming is if you pay close attention to his cues (which it sounds like you already are- nice job.), join him passionately, and then build a game just as passionately when you get a green light (if he isnt ready to interact go back to joining him)--> this will be your guide in telling you when your son is ready to interact. If he is seeking a lot of control in his ism, then my biggest suggestion to you is to GIVE GIVE GIVE that control that your son is asking for. By doing this you are building and deepening that relationship with him and then when he is available to interact it will be much clearer when he gives you that green light.

You are definitely on the right path!
Keep up the great work and have sooo much fun!!
With love,
Kim

[mariana]

Dear Kim
thanks a lot for your advice! is has been most enlightening! Lucas has been making incredible improvements in all areas since we started doing what you suggested! Also, I found your suggestions very relevant for the whole process: Lucas changes so rapidly that we have to try new ways to challenge him every week! Once we think we have found THE ANSWERS his change creates new questions which we work hard and lovingly to find new answers to. It is quite a challenge for us, but we do our best to try and help him in new ways. It's funny, really, but I think these three months of program have been all about me and the team learning: each new thing we try he seems to be ready for, just waiting for us to bring it up!
Thanks you so much! It is fantastic to know that you are there to help us become clearer !
Lots of love,
Mariana