Autism Treatment Center of America Forum

[loveSon-rise]

Hello all,
I would love some advice as to when to know that your child is done the program, my son is 5 years old, and we have run the program for 2 years, he has gone in leaps and bounds and now shows only very small features of his past, when anxious he will twist his fingers, and sometimes wont talk and just closes his eyes as a way to not have to face the challenge, other than that he is what I would call typical (if there is a typical!!!), he has great eye-contact, very social, is at stage 5 for all age appropriate things.
He has told me he is done therapy and though we still work with him when out side the room he is very typical of a child his age, most people can't tell there was anything wrong!
We really need to know how to tell whether he is really done, what is done.......

Be glad of any advice that can be given

Thanks in advance.

[BeckyDamgaard]

Hello!

What a great question! First of all I have to say WOOHOOOOOOOO! Congratulations on all your hard work helping your son to be the person who he is. Wow, stage 5 and telling you he is done with his program. We are all sending you and your family a big cheer!

I would recommend (if you haven't already) that you set up weekly playdates for him with a peer. This will be a way to really assess his social skills with children of his own age. Keep the playdates short at first and gradually increse them depending on how successsful they are. Video some of them and observe him to see how he does and if there is any challenges. You are looking are to see how his eye contact is, how he communicates, (is he clear and understandable?) how flexible he is? (open to their ideas and games, willing to change direction), is he spontaneous? Does he both initiate and follow? Does he chit chat (conversation skills) while they play? Write down your observations and celebrate him afterwards for how he did. Also ask him about any apparent challenges you saw and what was going on for him.

I suggest you set up a package of video feedbacks/phone consultations with a Son-Rise Program Teacher who can guide you through this last part of your program and observe your son with you and share their findings. Please call 413-229-2100 to do so.

I wish you all the best and we hope to hear from you soon.

Warm regards,

Becky Damgaard (Son-Rise Program Teacher)

[loveSon-rise]

Hello Becky,

Thanks for your reply.

We have done playdates and the first few went well but looking back over the videos of them, well WOW is all I can say! the difference in them now. Also i have watched him at school and spoken with the teacher and his social skills are amazing! the otherday one of the girls told the other kids that Stirling is just 'my friend'! and his reply was "Hey lets all be friends"! oh how amazing coming from a child who didnt need friends before.

They have given him an aid at school, and the aid and teacher have concerns that when we have our first IEP meeting that they will take the aid away because they feel he doesnt need one! the only problem they have is that he doesnt feel he needs to do the written work on alphabets, he told them "I know all this already I dont need to learn it!!!" I calmly told him that at school you have to learn things again sometimes and thats alright if you know it you can always help the other kids!

The only concern at the moment I have is that the 'sweet' little boy I had has turned into a .......... not sure what to say! but I feel the sweet side is disappearing and whats left is an indepentant teenager! he doesnt think he needs cuddles anymore (even though I do) and doesnt think he needs to kiss me goodbye or walk to school with me! he wont sit with me in front of others "cuz it's weird to sit with girls!" and so on, YES I did want him to be a typical kid but...... if all these sweet things I have learnt to love disappear well, I guess I wasnt ready for such a huge change in him. Is this normal? or does it mean I should still work with him, is he not ready to do full day kindi?

Please dont get me wrong from this, I am VERY thankful how far he has come but I wasnt expecting this huge change in him.


Love Kate

[BeckyDamgaard]

Hi Kate,

I didn't realise this was you until I saw "Stirling" in your last post.

I am so excited for you all he is doing so great at Kindi! I think that his new behavior is coming from the influence of being with other children and really connectiong to them! it's exciting that Stirling is now paying so much attention to his peers that he is taking in their quirks and discovering how the you are supposed to act as you grow up. He could beignoring the other children, not caring about what they think, isolating himself from them, etc but he's not which is such a wonderful thing!

I would ride it out and not take it personally. Think about all the other benefits to how he is and how it will enrich his life and make is easier and more useful for him. He could also be looking for a reaction from you (which you are giving internally) and testing his boundaries. Help him by continuing to love him unconditionally, even if he is not reciprocatin the affection in the same way you are used to.

Soon enough he will find a balance.

All the best to you and much love to you all!

Becky