I am sending you a great big celebratory shout out to you for your dedication and contribution to this sweet Son Rise Family. Overall, I do not read a question in your post but maybe you the following thoughts will be supportive.
I love reading how much you are wanting the best for your special Son Rise friend by honestly sharing your wants for him with his family and the team. Sometimes people do not do things because they might not understand all the reasons why or there may be a resistant to doing them. I recommend that since you are such a big part of this child’s life that in your next meeting ( or arrange a meeting) with the parents and tell them all the reasons you do what you do. For example, write all the reason why you think it is useful to respond to his tantrums in a consistent way. Review our webinars to give a Son Rise perspective, remember we have 30 years of experience of dealing with 1,000’s of children who use crying ,whining , pinching yelling, etc. as a form of communication. Ask S’s parents what their thoughts are or why they have not done what you suggested. Encourage them to get support from us. We have so many different services to assist them. If they have attended an Intensive in the past they get a free 20 minute support call. There are reasons you have conviction about what you think will be useful, share all your reasons and what you see as working for him. Remember present your want with excitement for S’s growth and express your intention of wanting to help S and the team. Please let us know how it goes.
It sounds like transitions are a big challenge for this cutie. He is having to deal with a lot of stimulation and sounds like lack of control if he is being bused and is in school. His inflexibility will definitely show up in transitions. For now do your best to explain what will be happening, making his routine as predictable and digestible as possible. As soon as he comes home get him in the room so he can get a great dose of Vitamin C (the C is for control). Passionately joining him, passionately celebrate his wants and not wants, give exaggerated control in your interactions are some of the makeup of this Vitamin-C.
Here are some links to support your friend in flexibility and tantrums. http://blog.autismtreatmentcenter.org/search/label/Flexibility
12 post on our blog about Flexibility http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org/contents/other_sections/autism-treatment-webcasts.php
# 12 William Hogan talking about Aggressive Behavior