Setting and adhering to limits

Setting and adhering to limits

Postby Snowcloud » Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:10 pm

Good day.

In SRP, it seems to me that we try to say "no" as little as possible to our children, and let them explore as much as they want so that they can learn. My son really likes eating, and sometimes is impatient. We try to give him unprocessed food - but if he sees a bunch of bananas, he might try eating multiple. He does this really quickly.

How do I know where to set limits and how do I nicely and lovingly express this to him? Usually I would physically take the item away, get down to his level and try to explain something like "you've already had 5 almonds. These are for tomorrow." As I back away, he starts whining and perhaps gets aggressive. What would be a good way to direct him to something else without him getting upset?

Thank you for your help. Have a great day!
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Joined: Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:16 am

Re: Setting and adhering to limits

Postby BeckyDamgaard » Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:41 pm

Hi again!

We do indeed give our children as much control as possible in The Son-Rise Program playroom. This is within reason though. Here are some areas where we set limits and boundaries for our children:

1) Health and safety! This would mean anything that I see as unsafe, harmful or unhealthy for my child. Examples would be, they climb on something unsafe, they want to throw scissors, they have something in their mouth they could choke on, they are eating something I don't want them to eat. I don't want my child to eat a whole bunch of bananas because I don't want him to overeat and I also want him to eat his dinner later. Therefore, the situation you gave of what you would say with the almonds is perfect. Sweetly explain that you want him to be as healthy as possible and that one banana is enough for example.

2) The door! We always lock the playroom door because we know the playroom is the best and most supportive environment for our children where they have little distractions and large amounts of control!

3) Destruction of property! I am not going to allow my child to break toys or other items, write on the wall, throw heavy objects, rip books up, etc. I want my child to learn that we don't actually destroy our property because we want to care for and repect our things and also that things cost money to replace which we don't always have.

4) Personal boundaries! This applies to children that want to touch us where we don't want to be touched, linger in a hug that is too long, keep kissing us, or even hanging on our backs on sitting in our laps for long periods of time so we can't move or facilitate them properly. We want to help them be able to know that there are personal boundaries and not everyone will appreciate their bodies being used in that way.

I would give your son plenty of explanations and warnings if you are going to take something away but I would probably limit his access to the food in the first place. Lock the bananas away in a cupboard and give him just one. If he happens to get his hands on the whole bag of almonds, explain that you are going to take it because you love him and want to keep him healthy.

Please know that it's ok if he whines about this. Show him that you love him and are still going to help him in this way even if he whines. If he gets aggressive,then I would suggest reading the blogs on our website about the subjects of "aggresion", "intense energy" and "not getting what you want"

We are supporting you and cheering you on all the way!

Warm regards,

Becky Damgaard - Son-Rise Program Teacher
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:51 pm

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