Autism Treatment Center of America Forum

[kathyfoster]

We have been working with my 2.5 year old grandson for a little over a year now. Since Jan. of this year we have had four to five volunteers. Max has made such progress and we are thrilled. All the volunteers now get hugs and kisses without even asking, and the interaction is over the moon.

Where I'm struggling is when do we know it is ok to start working on manners, etc. and example is that Max will just shovel food in with his fingers. We have made the spoon or fork available up to this point, loading the spoon and then saying use your fork Max but with know force at all. If he uses it fine if not no big deal. He also just throws all the things on the floor when he is ready to eat. With my NT grandaughter we already say Stella lets just place these over here, use your fork and she of course wants to be a big girl so really tries.

Also now that he is so aware of his surroundings he sometimes will pitch a fit when we take him in the playroom because he likes being out in the living room.

Any help would be appreciated. I will add that we are coming to Intensive the first week of Sept so I know we will get a lot of help then, but just feel like a little guidance would be helpful.

Kathy

[BeckyDamgaard]

Hi Kathy,

We are so excited that you will soon be coming to our Intensive program! It would really help to get a clear understanding of what stage you see Max to be on the Son-Rise Developmental Model to answer the question about manners, etc.

I also wasn't sure if you had a question about him not wanting to go into the playroom. Please let me know and I'd love to help further!

Warm regards,

[kathyfoster]

When I put him on the model he is through stage 1 except in verbal communication, he is through stage 2 except verbal and physically participates, verbally participates and calmly and easily handles limits and boundaries he is still emerging. We are excited to see where you all put him also. N

It seems as he is waking up from autism he is actually not as flexible with transitions. It does not matter who is coming or going he is fine until a person is leaving and then he tantrums for about five mins. We protect his head and stay calm and just tell him that we don't understand and to please use his words (he has very few), and then we might just play with something and say when he is ready to play we are there for him.

If you have any additional information it would be great.

We are so excited to come, I'm so excited to get helps with giving our wonderful volunteers feedback, I need a lot of help there. LOL

Kathy

[BeckyDamgaard]

HI Kathy,

Well to understand and be motivated to use manners requires a certain level of flexibility. Flexibility is about being open to change and other peoples thoughts and ideas. It sounds like if you are working on flexibility stage 2 then manners behaving "appropriately", etc would go on the back burner for now. Keep it in mind for the fututre, but I would say there are bigger fish to fry at the moment.

The difference with Stella is that she is motivated to be like you because she connects and relates to you in a typical way. Max does not, which is why you are working with him.

We can revisit the subject when you come for your Intensive. For now, just continue to do what you are doing by role-modelling to him how you do things. Letting go of any need for him to eat in the proper way will help because he will certainly picj up on your attitude around his eating if there is any attachment or judgment happening.

We look forward to seeing you all soon!