Hello Sue Ellen
Thank you for sharing your post with us.
Here are some tips on joining your son. When our children are exclusive, they are sending us a clear message; “I need control in this moment. I want space to do this activity on my own and for my own well being.” It has been my observation that when children get intense towards the person joining them that there are some things they could have done more effectively. The first and most important is to check in with your own attitude at this time. Are you comfortable? Are you needing an interaction with your son, or are relaxed into the activity, delighting in getting to know your son by joining him in what he wants to do in this moment? Are you accepting your son when he is doing this very autistic looking behavior? Our children are sensitive to our agendas and if we push, they push back. This is a time too where you want to send a very tangible message that you are giving control. It sounds like your cutie pie wants and needs control in this point of his social development. When you join him next time, make sure you are at least 4-6 feet away, while positioned for Eye contact. Relax and enjoy this time with your son; this is essential for your bonding with him!!!! Get into the details of joining, get into your own child-like imagination. The more fun you have, the more he can relax, the more he can feel you are someone he can trust in his space in this time. This will only make you a more attractive person to connect with.
When he gets intense, it is just a form of communication that you are not understanding. This is an awesome time to teach your son that there are clearer ways to communicate. From the most calm and loving place, explain to your son some version of this: “I am not sure what you want when you break and throw toys. You can show me or tell me what you want.” If you have a thought that he wants space, remind him that he can tell you “move”, then you can give him what he wants so much faster. Whenever your son is clear with what he wants vs. breaking and throwing, move quickly and celebrate him.
Another aspect of him needing control is this cute little game he has with you where he asks you what you want to play and then shoots down your idea. He is adorable. Again you want to go in to this with a fun loving attitude. Once he tells you “no” then celebrate him and exclaim “Great! Let’s play one of your games!” Once you are having fun in his game you can sweetly explain that it is fun to play his game and that you would love to play one of your games next. Take a look at the social development model to help you find one goal in each fundamental of Eye Contact, Attention Span, Flexibility and/or Language. The way your son is introducing how he wants to play sounds like he has a challenge with flexibility. Track what his average interaction is with you per hour to help you determine what area of flexibility to work on. Now it may be a time to celebrate your son when he looking for control, give exaggerated control by excitedly playing his game and later into the interaction suggest playing one of your games. First, try going into your son’s game and make sure your game is based on one of his motivations.
HAVE SO MUCH FUN JOINING FROM A DISTANCE AND GIVING CONTROL IN A FUN AND EXCITING WAY!!!!!
Watch our video blogs for fun ideas!!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUiZDb7N ... ture=share
Here is a useful Webinar on how to work with our children when they are intense:http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org/co ... aviors.php