Destructive & Agressive Behavior

Destructive & Agressive Behavior

Postby worthy_123 » Sat Feb 12, 2011 9:56 pm

I am new to the son-rise program. I recently came across it on the internet and I have been applying some of the principles to my 17 years old son. He has some episodes of agressive behavior. Whenever that happens I normally send him to his room. However, he does not go willingly. He tries to hit and bite me. He breaks windows, furniture, doors, walls. I cannot restrain him during these episodes. I recently had to put him on medication, however, he is displaying many side effects without any positive change. He is much happier since I started to join him. Hee does not have any "isms" just some unwanted behavior such as putting everything on his mouth, his aggression, and limited speech are the biggest. He likes to go outdoors and enjoy many outdoor activities.

Any suggestions on how I could help him with his agressive behavior without getting hurt? I normally tries to redirect him before the outburst, but it does not help. I also tells him he is a good boy and good boy does not behave like this. Whenever, I do that, he gets angier. I would really appreciate your response. I already spoke with a counselor and hope to attend the start up session in June.
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Re: Destructive & Agressive Behavior

Postby jz247 » Fri Feb 25, 2011 3:30 am

First of all, it is great for you to applying the Son-Rise principles because it does work!
Destructive and aggressive behaviors are often an effective way to communicate from the child's perspective as it gets immediate reaction from ppl.
First of all, understand that it is not personal, but his way to expressing or communicating his wants to you. So its neither destructive nor aggressive in a sense, its just expressive.
Make sure you position yourself in a safe manner, i.e, putting a big therapy ball between you and him.
I don't know if your child is verbal, but they usually understand more than we think they can.
Explain that you do not understand what he wants and you want to be helpful to him.
Then you calmly try different things to see if that might be what he wanted? Like do you need a drink?
Hope this helps,
Joey and Jing
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Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:47 am

Re: Destructive & Agressive Behavior

Postby SusanHumphries » Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:11 am

Hello worthy123

Welcome to the message board. Thank you so much Joey and Jing for offering such insightful techniques. :D It is so inspiring to see parents reaching out and helping new parents. My name is Susan and I am a Son Rise teacher in training. I have worked with many children who at times express themselves with challenging behaviors. I have been bit, sratched punched, spit on and screamed at for many years. We have found the techniques and attitude we use when working with our children are the most useful in taking care of ourselves, loving our child and teaching our children through their challenging time.

There are some additional things to consider when helping your child through this form of his expression. It is time to be a keen detective of your son. Make a note of what was happening before during and after your son has an outburst. For example, before the out burst did he indicate he wanted his favorite video, and he was unable to get it, and when he has an outburst may soon after get the video. He may be seeking a reaction or a way to push you or others away from him because it is too difficult for him to cope with you and others at that time. Notice how you and others react during and after such an episode. Are you yelling, getting angry, flailing your arms, or moving fast? These are common ways people react in these times which one can make you look better than a Disney movie in HD or gets you far away from him. He may experiencing a sensory challenge within his environment, as well. Being a detective in this way will help you know the best way to help your son.

Overall we see this behavior as a form of communication. You want to help your son see that this is not the way to get what he wants in the world. This will require a shift on how you respond to him. When in the circumstance that he wants something that you approve of him having,then you want to show him that other forms of communication move you. He may look at what he wants, he may make a sound or say a word, he may point or take your hand to where he wants something. At these times you celebrate him for communicating his wants and quickly get it for him. You can do this around the house and in the playroom. This sends a message of when you use these other forms of communication the world moves much faster for you.

When he is already int eh state of crying whining or you may see him escalate then here are some thoughts. We believe that he is doing the best that he can with what he knows. In these times there is no need to judge him for his actions. You already see that he responds when there is a statement of judgment. You always want to take care of yourself too. We recommend trying to get as comfortable as you can. Lower your energy, meaning do not raise your voice, do not light up like a cartoon, talk to him in calm voice with minimal physical movement. Explain that you are not sure what it is that he wants when he acts this way. Offer him basic needs slowly (half the speed you would normally walk across the room). Let him know you want to help him so if he wants something he can point to it or take you to it or tell you. If he escalates than you clearly let him know that no matter how much he hits and bites this is not the way to get what he wants. You can expalin it does not feel good when you hit and bite so I am going to take care of myself. Place a piece of furniture between you. You can even go in another room until you feel he has calmed himself down. Explanations are very powerful. We believe that no matter what level your child is at he understands your intent and your explanations. Offer your son explanations when you are helping him based on teh circumstance. For example, if you are not going to give him something that would potentially set him off into an outburst be very clear as to why you don't want him to have it. Is it for his safety and well being. Explain to him when he shows us or tells what he wants in a gentle way he will be able to get it much faster.

To help you further it would be useful if you could clearly indicate when these outbursts usually occur.

Another point I want to help you see is that there is most likely something he does as an ism and you state that he has no ism. Watch him carefully for the next week is there anything he is doing that is repetitious and excludes you or others. This could be him watching a movie over and over again, walking back and forth, laying down chewing on something staring off, lining up toys, flipping through a book over and over, etc.
In addition to the tips I stated here I think you would find the following links really really useful;
Son Rise blogs: ... 0Behaviors

Son Rise Webinar William Hogan on Aggressive Behaviors: ... aviors.php

Autism Solutions: ... utions.php

I do hope this all helps. We look forward to seeing yoiu this summer.

With fun and supportive thoughts,
Susan Humphries
Susan Humphries
The Son Rise Program ™ Teacher
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