One out of every 150 children has an autism spectrum disorder. The Autism Treatment Center of America™, a non-profit organization in Sheffield, Massachusetts, works with families with children on the autism spectrum from around the world. At the Center, parents are trained in The Son-Rise Program®, a unique method of enabling children to dramatically improve, build meaningful relationships, overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges, and, in some instances, recover completely. CEO Raun K. Kaufman, himself fully recovered with no trace of his former autism, overcame the disorder through The Son-Rise Program, created by his parents to help him. Below, he gives some fundamental tips to parents seeking to navigate the holidays with their child on the autism spectrum.

7 Positive Steps You Can Take

1) Let your child cope!
Most of our children perform various repetitive “stimming” behaviors. An increasing body of research is showing that these behaviors are useful and important to your child and his/her nervous system. So, when your child commences hand-flapping, asking the same question over and over, or lining up toy cars, allow your child to do this. In fact, it can be even more helpful if you join your child in these behaviors! Flap your own hands, or line up your own toys!

2) Celebrate your child!
Most of us dread our child behaving in a challenging way. We worry about it, we look for it, and we try to stop it as soon as it happens. Ironically, this puts all the focus on what you DON’T want from your child. If you don’t want your child to hit, for instance, focusing on getting your child not to hit actually creates more hitting. Instead celebrate your child every time they do something well. If your child sometimes hits, cheer wildly every time your child is gentle.

3) Explain in advance.
Before going on a trip or having a celebration: Explain to your child ahead of time (even if your child is non-verbal) what will happen and why it will be fun for him/her.

4) Give your family the heads-up.
If you are visiting family with your child, send them an email to explain what they can do to make the visit comfortable for you and your child. Explain why sudden loud noises might be problematic, or tell everyone the answer your child likes to hear when he or she asks over and over, “How fast does your car go?”

5) Designate a Mellow Room.
If you are going to someone else’s house with your child, designate, in advance, a calm room or space where your child can go to decompress once they begin to be overwhelmed by all of the commotion and sensory input that comprise most celebrations. Every so often take your child to this room and spend some time alone with him/her.

6) Mimic an outing without leaving your home!
Children on the autism spectrum will always do better when they are not over-stimulated by the many sights, sounds, smells, and unpredictable events of the outside world. You can create an experience in your home that you normally would go out for. For instance, instead of going to an evening parade with a festival of lights, you can put Christmas lights all around your house, turn off all the lights, and play Christmas music at a gentle volume. You may be concerned about depriving your child of a fun holiday experience, but keep in mind that when your child can’t digest the experience, they’re not having the fun experience you want. That’s why, if you can create a digestible version of the experience at home, your child can take in and enjoy the experience. By doing this, you are actually giving your child more, not less.

7) Take the holiday spirit home.
So often, we get caught up in the trappings of the holidays – the tree, the presents, the outings that have to go exactly as planned. It’s okay to arrange fun things, but remember that these are only trimmings. They aren’t the gift, they’re just the wrapping. The gift is your special child. The gift is sharing hope and sweetness with the people you love. Instead of using the holidays as a planning fest, use it to see the beauty in your child’s uniqueness. Use it to celebrate what your child can do, and use it to feel and encourage compassion for your child’s very different way of experiencing the world.

7 Holiday Mistakes to Avoid

1) Stopping your child from “stimming.”
Given the commotion and routine-change of the holidays, this is the most important time for your child to be allowed to cope with his/her environment. An increasing body of research shows that “stimming” is crucially important to your child and his/her nervous system. So, if your child “stims,” let them do their thing. In fact, it can be even more helpful if you join your child in these behaviors! Flap your own hands, or line up your own toys!

2) Focusing on stopping challenging behaviors.
Most of us dread our child behaving in a challenging way. We worry about it, we look for it, and we try to stop it as soon as it happens. Ironically, this puts all the focus on what you DON’T want from your child. If you don’t want your child to hit, for instance, focusing on getting your child not to hit actually creates more hitting. Instead celebrate your child every time they do something well. If your child sometimes hits, cheer wildly every time your child is gentle.

3) Surprising your child.
Although our intention is not to surprise our children, this is often the role of us departing on outings or embarking on a project (e.g. putting up the Christmas tree) without explaining in advance to our child what is going to happen first. Even if your child is non-verbal, explaining ahead of time what will happen and why it will be fun for him/her will go a long way toward minimizing tantrums and maximizing cooperation.

4) Expecting your family to “get it.”
Remember, if your extended family members don’t live with your child, they won’t “get it.” If you are visiting family with your child, send an e-mail to them explaining what they can do to make the visit comfortable for you and your child. Explain why sudden loud noises might be problematic, or tell everyone the answer your child likes to hear when he/she asks over and over, “How fast does your car go?”

5) Leaving no way out.
If you are going to someone else’s house with your child, designate, in advance, a calm room or space where your child can go to decompress once they begin to be overwhelmed by all of the commotion and sensory input that comprise most celebrations. Every so often take your child to this room and spend some time alone with him/her.

6) Directing your activities outside your home.
Children on the autism spectrum will always do better when they are not over-stimulated by the many sights, sounds, smells, and unpredictable events of the outside world. So, you can create an experience in your home that you normally would go out for. For instance, instead of going to an evening parade with a festival of lights, you can put Christmas lights all around your house, turn off all the lights, and play Christmas music at a gentle volume. You may be concerned about depriving your child of a fun holiday experience, but keep in mind that when your child can’t digest the experience, they’re not having the fun experience you want. That’s why, if you can create a digestible version of the experience at home, your child can take in and enjoy the experience. By doing this, you are actually giving your child more, not less.

7) Seeing the wrapping instead of the gift.
So often, we get caught up in the trappings of the holidays – the tree, the presents, the outings that have to go exactly as planned. It’s okay to arrange fun things, but remember that these are only trimmings. They aren’t the gift, they’re just the wrapping. The gift is your special child. The gift is sharing hope and sweetness with the people you love. Instead of using the holidays as a planning fest, use it to see the beauty in your child’s uniqueness. Use it to celebrate what your child can do, and use it to feel and encourage compassion for your child’s very different way of experiencing the world.

About the Autism Treatment Center of America
The Autism Treatment Center of America is the worldwide teaching center for The Son-Rise Program, a powerful, effective and totally unique treatment for children and adults challenged by autism spectrum disorders and other developmental difficulties. For more information about the Autism Treatment Center of America and The Son-Rise Program visit www.autismtreatmentcenter.org or call 1-800-714-2779 in the U.S., or +1-413-229-2100 outside the U.S.

Press contact: Brenda Nashawaty, 617-688-3253, Brenda@option.org