From Katrina - Aaaah! A child's perspective
Imagine this:
You are lost in thought; perhaps contemplating the mysteries of the universe, when out of nowhere someone approaches you. He grabs at your hands, you do not know what is happening. You pull your hands back, He grabs at them again. You scream in protest, "what is going on?" you think. This person is large, much larger than you and stronger too. He pulls at your clothes fast and hard and he doesn't listen when you cry out. You try to fight him, but he just keeps at it. He holds your hands and rips your shirt over your head. You struggle, but he holds strong. Now he has an object in his hand he is pushing toward you. He is now trying to push this over your head, even when you scream he continues and then grabs at your arms and pulls them through holes. Finally, the struggle ends and the person walks off.
This could be what it feels like to our children when we simply change their shirt. Even if we have the best of intentions, to our children we may be invaders.
This is another lesson that I too learned with my infant child. Kyla would scream and cry any time we attempted to change her clothes, so we tried to be quick and get it over as soon as possible. After awhile of doing this, I remembered my Son Rise training. I slowed down, I approached her calmly and explained what I was doing and why I was doing it. I moved slowly and talked her through everything I was doing. Amazingly, she has stopped crying. Babies, just like all people and our autistic children, like to be respected and treated well.
Next time you are wanting to change your child's clothes, put on their coat, or move them in some way think about it from their perspective and guide them through it slowly. And when you are in the playroom remember to always give control if they don't want what you are offering. This is a safe haven for the child where they are in charge!
loving you wherever you are,
Katrina
You are lost in thought; perhaps contemplating the mysteries of the universe, when out of nowhere someone approaches you. He grabs at your hands, you do not know what is happening. You pull your hands back, He grabs at them again. You scream in protest, "what is going on?" you think. This person is large, much larger than you and stronger too. He pulls at your clothes fast and hard and he doesn't listen when you cry out. You try to fight him, but he just keeps at it. He holds your hands and rips your shirt over your head. You struggle, but he holds strong. Now he has an object in his hand he is pushing toward you. He is now trying to push this over your head, even when you scream he continues and then grabs at your arms and pulls them through holes. Finally, the struggle ends and the person walks off.
This could be what it feels like to our children when we simply change their shirt. Even if we have the best of intentions, to our children we may be invaders.
This is another lesson that I too learned with my infant child. Kyla would scream and cry any time we attempted to change her clothes, so we tried to be quick and get it over as soon as possible. After awhile of doing this, I remembered my Son Rise training. I slowed down, I approached her calmly and explained what I was doing and why I was doing it. I moved slowly and talked her through everything I was doing. Amazingly, she has stopped crying. Babies, just like all people and our autistic children, like to be respected and treated well.
Next time you are wanting to change your child's clothes, put on their coat, or move them in some way think about it from their perspective and guide them through it slowly. And when you are in the playroom remember to always give control if they don't want what you are offering. This is a safe haven for the child where they are in charge!
loving you wherever you are,
Katrina
Labels: Giving Control, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Katrina at
9:46 AM
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Sunday, February 21, 2010
From Becky: Toilet Training take 4
Give your child control!
Here at The Autism Treatment Center of America, giving our special children as much control as possible is always on the main menu.
This is because The Son-Rise Program inpires our children to actually want to do things for themselves (like using the toilet in this example).
Giving our children control make us both attractive to be with and gives our children an opportunity to choose to develop self help skills such as toilet training. That means that whenever your child says "No", pulls away or indicates that they are not interested in the toilet then we will honor that and give them an immediate respect to their comunication.
Every time we honor our child's telling us or showing us "No", we are a step closer to them saying "Yes!" Giving control in an exaggerated way helps our children to become much more flexible therefore allowing them to open themselves up to new experiences.
In a world where things can be unpredictable we can be a constant source of solid predictability where no means no! When you honor your child's "No", it doesn't mean that you are giving up or dropping your focus of offering the toilet, it simply means that in that moment, your child is not open to it, that is not to say that in 10 minutes our child may be different.
Have fun!
Here at The Autism Treatment Center of America, giving our special children as much control as possible is always on the main menu.
This is because The Son-Rise Program inpires our children to actually want to do things for themselves (like using the toilet in this example).
Giving our children control make us both attractive to be with and gives our children an opportunity to choose to develop self help skills such as toilet training. That means that whenever your child says "No", pulls away or indicates that they are not interested in the toilet then we will honor that and give them an immediate respect to their comunication.
Every time we honor our child's telling us or showing us "No", we are a step closer to them saying "Yes!" Giving control in an exaggerated way helps our children to become much more flexible therefore allowing them to open themselves up to new experiences.
In a world where things can be unpredictable we can be a constant source of solid predictability where no means no! When you honor your child's "No", it doesn't mean that you are giving up or dropping your focus of offering the toilet, it simply means that in that moment, your child is not open to it, that is not to say that in 10 minutes our child may be different.
Have fun!
Labels: Giving Control, Inspiration, Self-Help Skills, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
6:26 PM
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Wednesday, February 17, 2010
From Katrina - I love my literal friends!
Hey everyone,
We often laugh in our office as we rehash events that took place in the playroom, but today I couldn't stop laughing enough to tell the story. I had brought in a game I had made, including a book titled with stickers that said "SUPER SPELLS". However when I first walked in, the beautiful boy from England was holding himself and wiggling. I offered him the toilet, when he looked at me I again reminded him that he could put his pee in the toilet (pee being an American word, English folk might say wee). He said "P?" I said yes, let's go put our pee in the toilet. He then proceeded to take the letter P off of my spell book and put it in the toilet! I had to giggle, it was so sweet.
My autistic friend has been so literal this week that it has been a challenge for him to stretch his imagination to symbolic play. I was often told today that objects were not what I was saying they were. "That is not a fire hose, it's a drum stick", "that is not a map, its paper", "that is not a screw driver its a bubble wand". Every time I would agree with him, and suggest we could pretend it was the new object. Most of the time that idea was shot down. This did not mean I could not try again. What I love about the Son Rise program playroom is that the child always has full control, but I can always try again later! And even if it doesn't happen today, there is always tomorrow!
Wishing you all a fun and persistently challenging day!
love,
Katrina
We often laugh in our office as we rehash events that took place in the playroom, but today I couldn't stop laughing enough to tell the story. I had brought in a game I had made, including a book titled with stickers that said "SUPER SPELLS". However when I first walked in, the beautiful boy from England was holding himself and wiggling. I offered him the toilet, when he looked at me I again reminded him that he could put his pee in the toilet (pee being an American word, English folk might say wee). He said "P?" I said yes, let's go put our pee in the toilet. He then proceeded to take the letter P off of my spell book and put it in the toilet! I had to giggle, it was so sweet.
My autistic friend has been so literal this week that it has been a challenge for him to stretch his imagination to symbolic play. I was often told today that objects were not what I was saying they were. "That is not a fire hose, it's a drum stick", "that is not a map, its paper", "that is not a screw driver its a bubble wand". Every time I would agree with him, and suggest we could pretend it was the new object. Most of the time that idea was shot down. This did not mean I could not try again. What I love about the Son Rise program playroom is that the child always has full control, but I can always try again later! And even if it doesn't happen today, there is always tomorrow!
Wishing you all a fun and persistently challenging day!
love,
Katrina
Labels: Environment, Giving Control, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Katrina at
2:08 PM
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Sunday, February 14, 2010
Giving Control
From Kate Wilde: Hello! Giving our children control is one of the corner stones of the Son-Rise Program. The video below gives a brief demonstration on how to give our children on the Autism Spectrum physical control.
Everyone wants to have control in their lives, our autistic children are no different. In a world that may be over stimulating, unpredictable, and often times confusing we want to show our children that we will respect what they want. When physically touching or moving our children we want to first give them warning and then second look to see whether they want it, are they saying "yes" or "no".
To view this video on face book, click on he title of this blog then on "view original blog" which will take you to where the video is stored.
Much love to you all
Kate
Labels: Giving Control, Kate
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posted by Kate Wilde at
7:12 AM
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Wednesday, January 27, 2010
From Katrina: I'm back!
From Katrina: Hello all of you amazing people! I am excited to be back to work at the Autism Treatment Center of America after taking a 3 month hiatus to be with my beautiful new baby, Kyla.
Joining the ranks of motherhood has probably been easier I think, since I have been trained in the Son Rise program. So much that I have learned has proven extra effective in parenting at home. For example:
On my very first day with Kyla she would not eat. I tried many people's suggestions, but Kyla just wouldn't do it. We even took her to the doctor who gave us some ideas that still would not work. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, in order to be a "good" mother I had to get my child to eat. Everyone was watching me and waiting for Kyla to perform. Finally, at the end of the day the midwife left me alone to relax, she said to not worry and just enjoy my baby. When she left, I let go of my need to "control" the situation. I could feel the tension ease out of my body. Literally the second I did this, Kyla decided to eat.
Like Kyla, many nonverbal or autistic children can sense our moods. When we try to put pressure on them to do something our way, they resist. Yet, when we give them the control, accept them no matter what, and still go for what we want, they are more likely to do it. This is what I love about the Son Rise program. We put the power in the child's hands. This is so much more motivating for them ... and it works for me!
I'm excited to be with you all again and back in that magical playroom!
Lots of Love,
Katrina
Joining the ranks of motherhood has probably been easier I think, since I have been trained in the Son Rise program. So much that I have learned has proven extra effective in parenting at home. For example:
On my very first day with Kyla she would not eat. I tried many people's suggestions, but Kyla just wouldn't do it. We even took her to the doctor who gave us some ideas that still would not work. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, in order to be a "good" mother I had to get my child to eat. Everyone was watching me and waiting for Kyla to perform. Finally, at the end of the day the midwife left me alone to relax, she said to not worry and just enjoy my baby. When she left, I let go of my need to "control" the situation. I could feel the tension ease out of my body. Literally the second I did this, Kyla decided to eat.
Like Kyla, many nonverbal or autistic children can sense our moods. When we try to put pressure on them to do something our way, they resist. Yet, when we give them the control, accept them no matter what, and still go for what we want, they are more likely to do it. This is what I love about the Son Rise program. We put the power in the child's hands. This is so much more motivating for them ... and it works for me!
I'm excited to be with you all again and back in that magical playroom!
Lots of Love,
Katrina
Labels: Attitude, Giving Control, Parenting, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Katrina at
12:36 PM
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Friday, January 22, 2010
From Becky: Repetitious Games
Hi Everyone!
At the weekend I went to a wonderful family's home to work with them and their indredible twin boys using The Son-Rise Program. While I was there, a question about repetitious games came up. One of their boys liked to take their hand and have them draw on flash cards over and over again. They were unsure of how to help him in this activity. Seeing as many of our children have repetitious activities similar to this, I'd love to share my response with you.
1) Is might be a stim: This depends on how rigid, or how open your child is. If they have little or no eye contact, a blank facial expression, are not responding to you when you try and vary the activity and are physically manipulating you in an intense way then they are being exclusive. Even though they are involving you, they are not including you in a connected way but using you more as a tool to get the repetition they crave. In this case, your role is to join them by being excited to be that tool and doing the activity in the exact way they want it, thus showing you are trustworthy and attractive to be with and building a relationship with them.
2) Control: Our children crave predictability in their lives, that's why they have repetitious and exclusive behaviors. Our world is often unpredictable and over-stimulating for them so these predictable activities are of comfort to our children. The fact that they are involving us in an activity like this is great! They could be stimming in the corner on their own so feel grateful that you can be there for them in this way.
3) Wait until they are open: The more that you join your child and easily do this activity, the more open they will be to your ideas. When your child is more open (e.g. relaxing their intensity, leaving some space for you to add something, looking at you more, with a more connected facial expression or talking to you), this is the time to inspire growth.
4) How do I inspire growth?: Add something new! A way that we can help our children be more flexible and open to other's ideas is to vary the game. Try drawing something totally different or making up a song about what you are drawing. Ask for eye contact! If your child is more open but not looking at you, playfully request that they look so that you can draw more for them. Work on language: Ask them to choose what to draw next by giving them chioces (e.g "Shall I draw a dinasoar of Daddy?").
5) Celebrate! Help your child to feel successful, express your gratitude for choosing you to draw for them, if they say "No" when you try to challenge them, honor that and drop your challenge, every no, is going in the bank for a yes later.
Have fun!
At the weekend I went to a wonderful family's home to work with them and their indredible twin boys using The Son-Rise Program. While I was there, a question about repetitious games came up. One of their boys liked to take their hand and have them draw on flash cards over and over again. They were unsure of how to help him in this activity. Seeing as many of our children have repetitious activities similar to this, I'd love to share my response with you.
1) Is might be a stim: This depends on how rigid, or how open your child is. If they have little or no eye contact, a blank facial expression, are not responding to you when you try and vary the activity and are physically manipulating you in an intense way then they are being exclusive. Even though they are involving you, they are not including you in a connected way but using you more as a tool to get the repetition they crave. In this case, your role is to join them by being excited to be that tool and doing the activity in the exact way they want it, thus showing you are trustworthy and attractive to be with and building a relationship with them.
2) Control: Our children crave predictability in their lives, that's why they have repetitious and exclusive behaviors. Our world is often unpredictable and over-stimulating for them so these predictable activities are of comfort to our children. The fact that they are involving us in an activity like this is great! They could be stimming in the corner on their own so feel grateful that you can be there for them in this way.
3) Wait until they are open: The more that you join your child and easily do this activity, the more open they will be to your ideas. When your child is more open (e.g. relaxing their intensity, leaving some space for you to add something, looking at you more, with a more connected facial expression or talking to you), this is the time to inspire growth.
4) How do I inspire growth?: Add something new! A way that we can help our children be more flexible and open to other's ideas is to vary the game. Try drawing something totally different or making up a song about what you are drawing. Ask for eye contact! If your child is more open but not looking at you, playfully request that they look so that you can draw more for them. Work on language: Ask them to choose what to draw next by giving them chioces (e.g "Shall I draw a dinasoar of Daddy?").
5) Celebrate! Help your child to feel successful, express your gratitude for choosing you to draw for them, if they say "No" when you try to challenge them, honor that and drop your challenge, every no, is going in the bank for a yes later.
Have fun!
Labels: Flexibility, Giving Control, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
6:13 AM
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Friday, July 10, 2009
The Power of Joining
Of all the strategies for helping autism, I love joining the most. This week the power of joining was brought to my attention yet again. We have a wonderful little boy who is here for his 2nd intensive. While I was joining him he would whisper words and at first I would celebrate and begin to build a game. Then he would say "stop it!" I would immediately give control and happily go back to joining. After this happened a few times I realized that his whispering was part of his ism. I gave him a little bit more space and sank deeper into joining.
I focused my energy on loving this boy and giving him this time to do fully whatever it was he was doing and having fun with him by doing the same. After about 5 more minutes of joining by whispering and looking through books, I heard him say "broken" in his normal voice. I came over to him and offered to kiss the "broken" book. He turned to me and smiled. He then said "tickle tummy" and fell into my lap. I had a really connected game with him where he was talking and looking and playing with me. I really believe that by giving him control and the time to organize himself while I joined him, he was able to connect with me on his own terms in a much fuller, brighter way.
Then to top it off, when my session was over he came over gave me a hug and said "Thank you for helping me Katrina." I love the Son Rise program because of the immense respect we have for each individual and the total acceptance of each moment.
I focused my energy on loving this boy and giving him this time to do fully whatever it was he was doing and having fun with him by doing the same. After about 5 more minutes of joining by whispering and looking through books, I heard him say "broken" in his normal voice. I came over to him and offered to kiss the "broken" book. He turned to me and smiled. He then said "tickle tummy" and fell into my lap. I had a really connected game with him where he was talking and looking and playing with me. I really believe that by giving him control and the time to organize himself while I joined him, he was able to connect with me on his own terms in a much fuller, brighter way.
Then to top it off, when my session was over he came over gave me a hug and said "Thank you for helping me Katrina." I love the Son Rise program because of the immense respect we have for each individual and the total acceptance of each moment.
Labels: Attitude, Giving Control, Joining, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Katrina at
11:24 AM
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