Jack's Playroom Stories #2
From Jack:
Hi there friends!
So here is one of my special playroom moments from this week! Over the last few days I have been lucky enough to spend time playing with the CUTEST little 3 year autistic boy from Canada, here at the Autism Treatment Center of America. He has black messy hair, deep brown eyes and the sweetest smile in the world. Today, as we were approaching the end of his session he decided to start crying, really quite loudly. Now, having been trained in The Son-Rise Program, my first thought wasn't "Oh no! My friend is unhappy!" but instead "Hmmm, my friend is trying to tell me he wants something in the best way he knows how. How can I help him tell me more effectively?"
S0 I went over to this little munchkin and said "Hey, I love you but I don't know what you want. Why don't you take a deep breath and tell me what you want?" and he took a breath and said "Open!"
Now even though the door still wasn't going to open, I felt so proud of my friend! He, in that moment, had decided not to cry and to communicate with me in the most effective way: using his language! As a Son-Rise Program Child Facilitator I really view children crying as a wonderful gift - a chance to show them the beautiful power of using their language versus crying. I encourage everyone out there with children on the autistic spectrum to delight in their children when they choose to cry and think "I have a beautiful opportunity to help my child TELL me what they want."
With love and smiles to you all
Jack
Hi there friends!
So here is one of my special playroom moments from this week! Over the last few days I have been lucky enough to spend time playing with the CUTEST little 3 year autistic boy from Canada, here at the Autism Treatment Center of America. He has black messy hair, deep brown eyes and the sweetest smile in the world. Today, as we were approaching the end of his session he decided to start crying, really quite loudly. Now, having been trained in The Son-Rise Program, my first thought wasn't "Oh no! My friend is unhappy!" but instead "Hmmm, my friend is trying to tell me he wants something in the best way he knows how. How can I help him tell me more effectively?"
S0 I went over to this little munchkin and said "Hey, I love you but I don't know what you want. Why don't you take a deep breath and tell me what you want?" and he took a breath and said "Open!"
Now even though the door still wasn't going to open, I felt so proud of my friend! He, in that moment, had decided not to cry and to communicate with me in the most effective way: using his language! As a Son-Rise Program Child Facilitator I really view children crying as a wonderful gift - a chance to show them the beautiful power of using their language versus crying. I encourage everyone out there with children on the autistic spectrum to delight in their children when they choose to cry and think "I have a beautiful opportunity to help my child TELL me what they want."
With love and smiles to you all
Jack
Labels: Crying, Son-Rise Program Staff
Read more!
posted by Jack at
12:43 PM
0 Comments
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
From Rae: Be Present - Staying in the Moment
From Rae: I am exhausted! Wore-out! I am struggling to keep my patience due to lack of sleep and worries. I am a single mom - so once Tyler's Son-Rise team goes home I am on my own. My daughter, Tyler, will be 16 in February and she has had many medical problems in the last year and a half. Her language is limited to 10 words at most. She has been screaming out and crying throughout the nite until she falls asleep. I don't know whats wrong. She wants me to get away but then she starts screaming again.
Thoughts run through my head - Is she really hurting or is she playing a game? I dont know. I go with what I know - if she screams, let her know I am here to help her. Move slow so she doesn't think she's getting a reaction out of me and controlling my every move. Over and over and over this happens. Throughout the nite it seems as if she looks for things to try my patience. I stay as calm as possible. I want to scream at times. Things she is wanting aren't working all of a sudden and she gets upset. I cant fix them fast enough. I stay calm and stay in the present and let her know I'm here for her if she needs me. She screams loud, over and over again.....and then sarcastically I think to myself - If God doesn't give us more than we can handle, just how much does he think I can take?
Then my thoughts go back to my learnings of the Son-Rise Program® - what can I learn from this? How can I keep my patience day in and day out. I just keep practicing "staying in the moment." The wonderful thing about staying in the moment is that you don't miss anything. While all this was going on, every now and then she would stop and do something new. For example, she pointed to her dvds and took one dvd at a time and looked them over from the front side then the back side as if she was reading them. In the playroom she doesn't show interests in books or reading. Was she reading them - I think so. I have learned a great lesson I had been taught from the Son-Rise Program®
Be Present. Had I not "stayed in the moment" I would have missed that wonderful happening.
Love, Rae Read more!
Thoughts run through my head - Is she really hurting or is she playing a game? I dont know. I go with what I know - if she screams, let her know I am here to help her. Move slow so she doesn't think she's getting a reaction out of me and controlling my every move. Over and over and over this happens. Throughout the nite it seems as if she looks for things to try my patience. I stay as calm as possible. I want to scream at times. Things she is wanting aren't working all of a sudden and she gets upset. I cant fix them fast enough. I stay calm and stay in the present and let her know I'm here for her if she needs me. She screams loud, over and over again.....and then sarcastically I think to myself - If God doesn't give us more than we can handle, just how much does he think I can take?
Then my thoughts go back to my learnings of the Son-Rise Program® - what can I learn from this? How can I keep my patience day in and day out. I just keep practicing "staying in the moment." The wonderful thing about staying in the moment is that you don't miss anything. While all this was going on, every now and then she would stop and do something new. For example, she pointed to her dvds and took one dvd at a time and looked them over from the front side then the back side as if she was reading them. In the playroom she doesn't show interests in books or reading. Was she reading them - I think so. I have learned a great lesson I had been taught from the Son-Rise Program®
Be Present. Had I not "stayed in the moment" I would have missed that wonderful happening.
Love, Rae Read more!
posted by raetyty at
7:18 PM
0 Comments
Good Sound/Bad Sound?
From Jack: Hidy-ho Son-Rise amigos!
I hope you are all having amazing, exciting, dynamic and thrilling adventures in your playrooms around the world - here at the Autism Treatment Center of America we definitely are!
This week we have the CUTEST little boy here for the Son-Rise Program Intensive and, wow! Does he have the greatest isms! He loves numbers, math, spelling, dancing and... grinding his teeth! This one got me thinking... I used to really HATE the sound of teeth grinding (I remember my little brother used to do it when he was a baby) but here, with this boy, I am so fine with the sound. In fact, I love it! You know why? Because if I can choose to love anything a child does, then I can choose to love ANY sound!
So often we are sold beliefs about "good", "bad", "fun" or "painful" sounds. How many times have we seen people wince when someone screams, or heard someone say how they hate the sound of nails on a chalkboard or a certain genre of music. We are encouraged to believe that the sound CONTROLS how we feel. I know this is utterly untrue.
Try this out - take a sound you may previously have decided not to like (your child crying, workmen drilling the road outside) and find ONE THING to love about it. Find one thing about that sound that is fascinating and unique. Is it the way your ears vibrate? Is it the after-sound - the way your ears ring? Is there are special rhythm to it? Can you even detect a faint tune that only you can hear?
Now, think what a gift it would be to your child if you decided to love EVERY sound they make in the playroom - crying, screaming, laughing, shouting... yes, even teeth grinding! There is nothing your child can do that you can not love :)
With excitement and joy for all of you
Jack
I hope you are all having amazing, exciting, dynamic and thrilling adventures in your playrooms around the world - here at the Autism Treatment Center of America we definitely are!
This week we have the CUTEST little boy here for the Son-Rise Program Intensive and, wow! Does he have the greatest isms! He loves numbers, math, spelling, dancing and... grinding his teeth! This one got me thinking... I used to really HATE the sound of teeth grinding (I remember my little brother used to do it when he was a baby) but here, with this boy, I am so fine with the sound. In fact, I love it! You know why? Because if I can choose to love anything a child does, then I can choose to love ANY sound!
So often we are sold beliefs about "good", "bad", "fun" or "painful" sounds. How many times have we seen people wince when someone screams, or heard someone say how they hate the sound of nails on a chalkboard or a certain genre of music. We are encouraged to believe that the sound CONTROLS how we feel. I know this is utterly untrue.
Try this out - take a sound you may previously have decided not to like (your child crying, workmen drilling the road outside) and find ONE THING to love about it. Find one thing about that sound that is fascinating and unique. Is it the way your ears vibrate? Is it the after-sound - the way your ears ring? Is there are special rhythm to it? Can you even detect a faint tune that only you can hear?
Now, think what a gift it would be to your child if you decided to love EVERY sound they make in the playroom - crying, screaming, laughing, shouting... yes, even teeth grinding! There is nothing your child can do that you can not love :)
With excitement and joy for all of you
Jack
Labels: Crying, Son-Rise Program Staff
Read more!
posted by Jack at
7:52 AM
1 Comments
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tantrums, Take Four
Your child is throwing a big tantrum, they are putting their heart and soul into it, believing that this is the thing that will move you. You are putting into effect the Son-Rise Program attitude.
Read more!
- You comfort is not reliant on your child stopping their tantrum.
- You feel calm and easy and are enjoying your child even as he tantrums
- You marvel at his attempts to communicate and his mighty persistence.
You put a few of the highly effective Son-Rise Program techniques into effect.
- You explain to him that crying will not get him what he wants.
- That you cannot understand him as well when he cries and screams.
- You let him know that he can cry all he wants but it won't change the situation.
- You try and be helpful by offering him things ......SLOWLY.
- If you cannot get him the thing that he is wanting you offer an alternative .......SLOWLY.
But still he cries, screams and yells with all of his mighty intensity and persistence.
What to do???? Stay the course! Do not give up. Let your child know that you can keep your awesome attitude longer than he can keep up his tantrum.
After you have tried some version of the above techniques of being slowly helpful to your child, let your child know that you have tried everything you know to be helpful to him, and that know you are going to go play by yourself, and that he can continue to cry if he wants. Then go over to the corner of the room and start to play by yourself. Pick something to play with that you know your child likes, and then sincerely play this by yourself. It is not about trying to get your child to play with you, it is about communicating to your child that you have moved on, so have fun playing by yourself. When we do this what we often see here At the Autism Treatment Center of America is that the children may still cry for a while, but after a while ( which is different with very child) they either stop crying and start playing by themselves, or they come over and start playing with you. Either way your are communicating to your child that their tantrum no longer has currency with you.
For some of your children using crying as way to communicate has been effective with you for a long time. Thus they may stay invested in it for a while because of their history of it working with you. Keep yourself invested in really doing these techniques and attitudes for as long as it takes for your child to get through his use of the crying.
Sending much love to you and your children today.
Kate
posted by Kate Wilde at
6:34 AM
2 Comments
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tantrums take Three
Hello Everyone!
What do we do when we understand clearly why our children are tantruming, but do not want to give them the particular thing they are wanting or can't give it to them at that particular moment.
Let them know that crying and tantruming will not change the situation.
During The Son-Rise Program Intensive I was working with an 8 year old girl with Autism, we had been playing wonderfully for about 45 minutes. She then decides that she wants the playroom door to open, she tries to open it but it is locked. Now, I want us to stay in the playroom so that we can have a great session without the distractions that happen from going room to room in their apartment, so I know that I will not be opening the door for her.
So the first thing I do is tell her that the door is not going to open until 5pm and that I can get her anything she wants inside this room. I let her know where the bathroom is, where her snack and drinks are. Upon hearing this she starts to cry.
I then let her know that crying will not change the situation, the door will remain closed even if she cries.
To which she looks at me and then picks up the stool and starts to throw it at me, I catch it easily and let her know that:
Even if she throws things, the door will remain closed.
To which she goes into the bathroom and turns on all the taps, rustles the shower curtain, knocks over the garbage can and throws the toilet paper into the toilet, then comes out and looks at me. I let her know:
That even if she makes a mess the door will remain closed.
To which she takes off all her cloths and looks at me with her hands on her hips.
again I let her know:
That even if she takes off all her cloths the door will remain closed.
After that she puts on her cloths and starts playing with me again.
Now a hour or so later it was another Son Rise Program facilitators turn to play with her, on the transition she makes no attempt to leave the playroom or open the door. When I leave I watched the two of them play together, with in a few minutes, she starts to cry at the door asking the facilitator to open the door, when that does not work she then throws the stool at the facilitator, she tries everything she tried with me on the next facilitator.
She is smart, she is thinking, OK it does not work with Kate, but maybe it will with this new person. She is trying to figure out what is the best and fasted way to get want she wants for the people around her.
It may take your child some time to really believe that you will no longer respond to their tantrums, that tantruming will not change the situation, but if you can stick to this they WILL eventually get this, because you will have changed and taught them something else.
That sometimes you do not get want you want, and that it ok. Read more!
What do we do when we understand clearly why our children are tantruming, but do not want to give them the particular thing they are wanting or can't give it to them at that particular moment.
Let them know that crying and tantruming will not change the situation.
During The Son-Rise Program Intensive I was working with an 8 year old girl with Autism, we had been playing wonderfully for about 45 minutes. She then decides that she wants the playroom door to open, she tries to open it but it is locked. Now, I want us to stay in the playroom so that we can have a great session without the distractions that happen from going room to room in their apartment, so I know that I will not be opening the door for her.
So the first thing I do is tell her that the door is not going to open until 5pm and that I can get her anything she wants inside this room. I let her know where the bathroom is, where her snack and drinks are. Upon hearing this she starts to cry.
I then let her know that crying will not change the situation, the door will remain closed even if she cries.
To which she looks at me and then picks up the stool and starts to throw it at me, I catch it easily and let her know that:
Even if she throws things, the door will remain closed.
To which she goes into the bathroom and turns on all the taps, rustles the shower curtain, knocks over the garbage can and throws the toilet paper into the toilet, then comes out and looks at me. I let her know:
That even if she makes a mess the door will remain closed.
To which she takes off all her cloths and looks at me with her hands on her hips.
again I let her know:
That even if she takes off all her cloths the door will remain closed.
After that she puts on her cloths and starts playing with me again.
Now a hour or so later it was another Son Rise Program facilitators turn to play with her, on the transition she makes no attempt to leave the playroom or open the door. When I leave I watched the two of them play together, with in a few minutes, she starts to cry at the door asking the facilitator to open the door, when that does not work she then throws the stool at the facilitator, she tries everything she tried with me on the next facilitator.
She is smart, she is thinking, OK it does not work with Kate, but maybe it will with this new person. She is trying to figure out what is the best and fasted way to get want she wants for the people around her.
It may take your child some time to really believe that you will no longer respond to their tantrums, that tantruming will not change the situation, but if you can stick to this they WILL eventually get this, because you will have changed and taught them something else.
That sometimes you do not get want you want, and that it ok. Read more!
posted by Kate Wilde at
1:07 PM
2 Comments
Friday, October 9, 2009
Asking Questions
This week at The Son-Rise Program Intensive we have a 10 year old boy with Autism and his family blessing us with their company. This boy is so much fun! He is lively , high spirited and loves to push peoples buttons. He loves to talk about what he cannot do, he will say things such as, "Are you going to stop me from breaking the glass window?, while looking intently into our eyes to catch our reactions.
I was watching him with one of our Son-Rise Program child facilitators while he was screaming very loudly, very close to her face, while saying, "I am very angry urrrrrrr". He had just lost a game of football.
The facilitator said very calmly to this boy, "Why are you angry?"
To which he replied, "Because I did not win!",
To which she replied, "oh, why are you angry about not winning."
To which he replied, "Because that's what I do when I do not win, I get angry".
To which she replied, "Why do you that?"
To which he replied, "Because I do.?"
To which she replied, "Well how long are you going to stay angry, 10 seconds, or 10 minutes?"
He looked at her and said, " I am going to stop right now and play." and they did. I
A beautiful example of how you can use The Option Process, asking questions to help your child.
Have a great weekend playing with your children!
Much love to you all
Kate Read more!
I was watching him with one of our Son-Rise Program child facilitators while he was screaming very loudly, very close to her face, while saying, "I am very angry urrrrrrr". He had just lost a game of football.
The facilitator said very calmly to this boy, "Why are you angry?"
To which he replied, "Because I did not win!",
To which she replied, "oh, why are you angry about not winning."
To which he replied, "Because that's what I do when I do not win, I get angry".
To which she replied, "Why do you that?"
To which he replied, "Because I do.?"
To which she replied, "Well how long are you going to stay angry, 10 seconds, or 10 minutes?"
He looked at her and said, " I am going to stop right now and play." and they did. I
A beautiful example of how you can use The Option Process, asking questions to help your child.
Have a great weekend playing with your children!
Much love to you all
Kate Read more!
posted by Kate Wilde at
4:55 AM
0 Comments
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Tantrums, Take Two
Last week I wrote:
"My role is not to stop my child from tantruming, it is to show them that it is not an effective way of communicating"
Were you able to really think this way when your children cried and tantrumed last week? I would love to hear about your experiences, as would all the other parents who read these blogs.
Today I would like to write about one action to take while you hold this attitude deep in your heart.
It is to:
Ask your child to use their sounds, words, or gestures to let you know what they want.
While working with autistic children I have found it very effective to literally ask them to communicate with me in a different way when they are crying , screaming or tantruming. I know that it sounds simple- but often times the most effective thing you can do IS the simplest thing.
Some of you may be saying to yourself- I've tried that - it does not work- but ask yourself this - have you really asked coming from a deep attitude of not trying to stop them from tantruming, from the loving calm focus of helping them find another way to communicate?
You might say something like this to your child:
"Honey - I don't understand what you want when you cry, take a deep breath( pause for them to do this) - then after a long pause - ask them to take another breath - then if your child is verbal ask them to use their words. Really encourage them to do this - ask them a few times. If your child has yet to form words - ask them to use their sounds - any sound. Or ask them to take your hand and show you want they want physically. Talk to them in full sentences really believing that no matter what level of language they have, they will understand you.
If they do as you are asking the next step is to move really quickly to respond to their language or gesture, showing them that this is the most effective way to communicate.
Much love to you
Kate
posted by Kate Wilde at
7:05 AM
0 Comments
Monday, September 28, 2009
Tantrums
Tantrums, Meltdowns, Wig-Outs, Episodes, Fits, Whining, Whinging, Crying - so many words to describe one event.
Here at The Autism Treatment Center of America we have many useful and successful techniques and attitudes to help children on the Autism Spectrum remain calm when things do not go their way. Today I am writing about just one attitude that is key to helping our children move through their tantrum.
1. My role is not to stop my child from tantruming, it is to show them that it is not an effective way of communicating.
When our children begin to tantrum, what can happen is that everyone around them is centered on trying to get them to stop. Imagine if you did not feel the need to do this? Imagine the message that would send to your child. Their tantrums would no longer cause the adults around them to rush around trying to fix the "problem", it would instead change nothing. Wow, often times we see that this alone helps children to change their once very effective behaviour to something else. Our children are very clever, they will not continue to do something that no longer gets them what they want.
If you really take this on board, "I don't have to stop my child from tantruming", really breath that into your very core, that will help you change the way you react when your child tantrums. Maybe you would even say to your child, "Hey honey knock yourself out, scream as loud and as long as you want, this is OK with me, just want you to know that it will not help you get what you want."
I remember very vividly saying a version of this to a little girl I was working with, who literally did a double take , scratched her head, stopped crying, and said "oh", and then carried on playing as if nothing had happened.
Enjoy showing your children that you do not need them to stop their tanrums anymore.
Love to you all!
Kate Read more!
Here at The Autism Treatment Center of America we have many useful and successful techniques and attitudes to help children on the Autism Spectrum remain calm when things do not go their way. Today I am writing about just one attitude that is key to helping our children move through their tantrum.
1. My role is not to stop my child from tantruming, it is to show them that it is not an effective way of communicating.
When our children begin to tantrum, what can happen is that everyone around them is centered on trying to get them to stop. Imagine if you did not feel the need to do this? Imagine the message that would send to your child. Their tantrums would no longer cause the adults around them to rush around trying to fix the "problem", it would instead change nothing. Wow, often times we see that this alone helps children to change their once very effective behaviour to something else. Our children are very clever, they will not continue to do something that no longer gets them what they want.
If you really take this on board, "I don't have to stop my child from tantruming", really breath that into your very core, that will help you change the way you react when your child tantrums. Maybe you would even say to your child, "Hey honey knock yourself out, scream as loud and as long as you want, this is OK with me, just want you to know that it will not help you get what you want."
I remember very vividly saying a version of this to a little girl I was working with, who literally did a double take , scratched her head, stopped crying, and said "oh", and then carried on playing as if nothing had happened.
Enjoy showing your children that you do not need them to stop their tanrums anymore.
Love to you all!
Kate Read more!
posted by Kate Wilde at
5:51 AM
0 Comments
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
What buttons?
As I am reflecting on my week in the playroom with a child who likes to button push I am reminded of another child we once had in the Son Rise progam intensive. This little girl also would try to button push, but it's hard when I don't have any buttons to push! I remember I was the first in the room at the beginning of the week and I walked in on a completely naked little girl (apparently she rarely kept her clothes on) who immediately started to throw a tantrum. She started to cry, scream and throw her whole body intensely at the floor. The volunteer I transitioned quickly left the room and I was all alone with this little blessing.
We're excited when children cry here at the intensive because it gives us a chance to show these children how much we love them, and how ineffective crying, or being unhappy, truly is in getting things accomplished in life. Anyway with this particular girl I remained calm, I explained I didn't know why she was crying, and I slowly started to offer her things. I began by saying "perhaps you would like your underwear" and I gently offered her some clothes. The parents watching from the next room were astounded when this nearly always naked girl began to put her clothes on while not missing a beat with her tantrum. Later as she learned crying wasn't going to change anything she too calmed down and we played together.
When we can remain comfortable we can move mountains! Children learn what we teach them, if they think crying works in order to get something or change something they will cry. I have seen over and over again that by not reacting to children's tears they will instead use language and excitement to motivate me to move quicker! I hope you too can enjoy these moments where we can teach our children the power of happiness!
We're excited when children cry here at the intensive because it gives us a chance to show these children how much we love them, and how ineffective crying, or being unhappy, truly is in getting things accomplished in life. Anyway with this particular girl I remained calm, I explained I didn't know why she was crying, and I slowly started to offer her things. I began by saying "perhaps you would like your underwear" and I gently offered her some clothes. The parents watching from the next room were astounded when this nearly always naked girl began to put her clothes on while not missing a beat with her tantrum. Later as she learned crying wasn't going to change anything she too calmed down and we played together.
When we can remain comfortable we can move mountains! Children learn what we teach them, if they think crying works in order to get something or change something they will cry. I have seen over and over again that by not reacting to children's tears they will instead use language and excitement to motivate me to move quicker! I hope you too can enjoy these moments where we can teach our children the power of happiness!
Labels: Attitude, Crying, Son-Rise Program Staff
Read more!
posted by Katrina at
11:57 AM
0 Comments
Copyright 1998-2012. The Option Institute & Fellowship. All rights reserved.
A division of The Option Institute. A nonprofit, federally tax-exempt, charitable organization.