The Unhappiness Compensation Cycle!
From William: We use many different wonderful ways of looking after ourselves, especially when it comes to ensuring that we stay emotionally feeling good. One particular way that I want to share with you is what I call the Unhappiness Compensation Cycle. It goes something like this:
We use many different wonderful ways of looking after ourselves, especially when it comes to ensuring that we stay emotionally feeling good. One particular way that I want to share with you is what I call the Unhappiness Compensation Approach. It goes something like this:
I feel uncomfortable in one area of my life, which I don't want to look at or pay attention to because if I do I will feel even more uncomfortable. (I'm discomfort-phobic!!)
I can't totally shake this uncomfortable feeling (it keeps following me around – even though I do my best to ignore it!!).
I go in search of something that I know will result in me giving myself a good feeling (i.e. eating, drinking, shopping, particular actions that will get me praise and love from others, etc.) - I go into unhappiness compensation mode!
The drawback of compensating in this way for an uncomfortable feeling is that after I have done any of these "feel good things" I am still left with my unhappiness. Most people do more and more of the "feel good things" to the point of personal detriment (i.e. over eating, over drinking, etc.) They then get into a cycle of compensating for this nagging, won't-go-away unhappy feeling by doing these "feel good things" over and over again - and in the end they end up harming themselves.
So, what's the solution? The solution is to look directly at what you are feeling unhappy about - to understand it - and then change the belief that fuels it.
This is exactly what a mother did recently during the Son-Rise Program Intensive. She was working with her child - but she pushed him to play her game, needing it to happen, and did not see that he was not connected or interested. She needed the interaction so that she would get praised and loved for making it happen. She needed the love because she was feeling upset in another area of her family life. She was trying to feel good in the only way she knew how - to do something else to compensate for not feeling good in that other area of her life.
After, during our feedback session, she chose to work out the underlying unhappiness in her family life that fueled her need and pushiness. As I dialogued her, she cried and talked about the situation and eventually came to a place of insight and then a place of peace. It was wonderful to see the change in her expression as she gave herself this feeling. She was brave to have looked at herself so honestly with a willingness to know who she was.
One of the beauties of the Son-Rise Program is that we come to understand how we can be happier through changing our beliefs (using the Option Process Dialogue) versus ignoring and avoiding our discomfort and creating a harmful compensation cycle!
Today - dare to look at a discomfort. Ask yourself a question or two (i.e. How do I feel? Why am I feeling this way? etc.) Dare to understand yourself a little more and learn to enjoy your life without having to compensate.
Love and smiles,
William
We use many different wonderful ways of looking after ourselves, especially when it comes to ensuring that we stay emotionally feeling good. One particular way that I want to share with you is what I call the Unhappiness Compensation Approach. It goes something like this:
I feel uncomfortable in one area of my life, which I don't want to look at or pay attention to because if I do I will feel even more uncomfortable. (I'm discomfort-phobic!!)
I can't totally shake this uncomfortable feeling (it keeps following me around – even though I do my best to ignore it!!).
I go in search of something that I know will result in me giving myself a good feeling (i.e. eating, drinking, shopping, particular actions that will get me praise and love from others, etc.) - I go into unhappiness compensation mode!
The drawback of compensating in this way for an uncomfortable feeling is that after I have done any of these "feel good things" I am still left with my unhappiness. Most people do more and more of the "feel good things" to the point of personal detriment (i.e. over eating, over drinking, etc.) They then get into a cycle of compensating for this nagging, won't-go-away unhappy feeling by doing these "feel good things" over and over again - and in the end they end up harming themselves.
So, what's the solution? The solution is to look directly at what you are feeling unhappy about - to understand it - and then change the belief that fuels it.
This is exactly what a mother did recently during the Son-Rise Program Intensive. She was working with her child - but she pushed him to play her game, needing it to happen, and did not see that he was not connected or interested. She needed the interaction so that she would get praised and loved for making it happen. She needed the love because she was feeling upset in another area of her family life. She was trying to feel good in the only way she knew how - to do something else to compensate for not feeling good in that other area of her life.
After, during our feedback session, she chose to work out the underlying unhappiness in her family life that fueled her need and pushiness. As I dialogued her, she cried and talked about the situation and eventually came to a place of insight and then a place of peace. It was wonderful to see the change in her expression as she gave herself this feeling. She was brave to have looked at herself so honestly with a willingness to know who she was.
One of the beauties of the Son-Rise Program is that we come to understand how we can be happier through changing our beliefs (using the Option Process Dialogue) versus ignoring and avoiding our discomfort and creating a harmful compensation cycle!
Today - dare to look at a discomfort. Ask yourself a question or two (i.e. How do I feel? Why am I feeling this way? etc.) Dare to understand yourself a little more and learn to enjoy your life without having to compensate.
Love and smiles,
William
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Personal Growth, Son-Rise Program Parents, William
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posted by William Hogan, Senior Son-Rise Program Teacher at
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Tuesday, March 2, 2010
From Kelli: Who IS this program for?
Last week we participated in the Son-Rise Program Intensive, and boy what a week. I think I have enough material to blog daily for a month. Material about Jordyn, about us, and about the program. I'm going to endeavour to keep my insights "simple" and relevant to all, so I don't overwhelm or bore you all with the inner workings of my mind.
One of the themes of my week was my "need" to CONTROL - the program, the volunteers, myself in the playroom (strategizing and thinking vs. being free). My experience of myself, and all of it, was it was never quite enough, and I was always striving for more... like a donkey with a carrot, or a hamster on a wheel.
This is also a theme in life where I'm never quite satisfied, so no accident that it showed up in the playroom. The funny thing is that I am completely satisfied and accepting of Jordyn, and have tons of love and acceptance for my volunteers... so why the carrot/pressure? Why did I "have to" be on guard all the time, looking for what is next, and not missing a cue?
Well, in exploring this in feedback with one of the teachers I could not see it when asked "why?" But looking at it from the other side - "what would happen if I didn't" - it became really clear. If I didn't "keep the pressure on" I would look back and regret not doing or being more. So, really I was putting myself through all this pressure so that someday I wouldn't look back and hammer myself with "you really could have done more". Interesting.
Knowing that I am doing the very best that I can in every moment with the beliefs that I have, that seemed like a really silly way to live. Discarding the carrot, I am free to be present in this moment. I am present to the joy, adventure, and love of the journey. AND seeing clearly what is in front of me, gives me a clearer picture of where to head next. Not having the carrot doesn't mean I stop looking for what is next - it just comes from a happier, curious, joyous and grateful place - a want vs. a need.
The program IS really for ME - to be happier, grounded, grateful, and fulfilled.
And, when I'm happy, grounded, grateful, and fulfilled I am all the things that I was striving for... naturally AND that little guy is drawn to my comfort with myself. He is such a teacher... all I have to do is look at who I'm being with him, or even just look at what he is doing and I learn about myself.
Enjoy your journey. Love - Kelli
Labels: Attitude, Personal Growth
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posted by Kelli Pallett, Son-Rise Mom at
9:25 AM
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Friday, February 26, 2010
From William: It was Magic!
I have just come out of our Son-Rise Program playroom, where I worked/played with a wonderful boy with autism. I feel so bless and honored to have been with him. We jumped around, chewed on chew toys, stared at spinning objects, shared eye contact, he rode on my back and let me bounce him up into the sky. We spoke, laughed and were also completely silent. I rolled on the floor, pretended to jump on a trampoline and at times stood still starring off across the room…every moment was magic!
Enjoy your time in your playroom with your child.
Love and Smiles
William
Enjoy your time in your playroom with your child.
Love and Smiles
William
Labels: Attitude, Environment, Fun and Games, William
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posted by William Hogan, Senior Son-Rise Program Teacher at
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From Alison: If music be the food of love.....
I love the way that the Son Rise program encourages us to celebrate our children when they do something wonderful like look at us. I also love the way that music and particularly songs can convey such a profound message and sometimes a song can get me right in the heart in such a beautiful way. Here's what happened the other day in our playroom.
I have recently welcomed a wonderful new recruit to our Son Rise team, she is called Rachel and she is 17 years old. Jordan already adores her and so do I. The other day she was up to the point in her training where she went into the playroom with Jordan but without me. I was watching her on the CCTV. As she is joining Jordan she starts to quietly sing to him in the sweetest lullaby tones. 'Moon River wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style someday'. But she couldn't remember all the words so she just sang snippets of the song. BUT the pieces she remembered were so amazing as they were all about the Son Rise program attitude.....'wherever you are going, I'm going your way' ....... the goosebumps start to form as I am watching......'two drifters off to see the world, there's such a lot of world to see'.....I am in awe of my new recruit now.....'my huckleberry friend, moon river and me'.
How powerful was that for me to watch and learn that everything and everyone can teach me something. I have now claimed Audrey Hepburn's song for our Son Rise program - Wherever Jordan is going, we are going his way.......
I have recently welcomed a wonderful new recruit to our Son Rise team, she is called Rachel and she is 17 years old. Jordan already adores her and so do I. The other day she was up to the point in her training where she went into the playroom with Jordan but without me. I was watching her on the CCTV. As she is joining Jordan she starts to quietly sing to him in the sweetest lullaby tones. 'Moon River wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style someday'. But she couldn't remember all the words so she just sang snippets of the song. BUT the pieces she remembered were so amazing as they were all about the Son Rise program attitude.....'wherever you are going, I'm going your way' ....... the goosebumps start to form as I am watching......'two drifters off to see the world, there's such a lot of world to see'.....I am in awe of my new recruit now.....'my huckleberry friend, moon river and me'.
How powerful was that for me to watch and learn that everything and everyone can teach me something. I have now claimed Audrey Hepburn's song for our Son Rise program - Wherever Jordan is going, we are going his way.......
Labels: Attitude, Celebrations, Son-Rise Program Parents
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posted by Alison Taylor at
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Thursday, February 25, 2010
From William: Truly Giving or Saving Yourself!!
Truly Giving or Saving Yourself!!
As I have continued to dialogue about my own feelings and beliefs as well as mentoring Son-Rise Program parents, a particular perspective on caring for and giving to others has formulated. I find the perspective helpful as I continue my journey of deepening my acceptance and happiness with life.
The perspective goes something like this: Caring for and giving to others can be broken down into two distinct types. (Remember I am not talking about the truth - only my perspective, which is belief-based.)
The first type is a caring and a giving that is based on accepting, loving and wanting the best for the other person. It is a giving that comes from the joy of caring for this person and requires nothing back in return, because the giving itself feels good and is in agreement with how you want to live your life.
As I have continued to dialogue about my own feelings and beliefs as well as mentoring Son-Rise Program parents, a particular perspective on caring for and giving to others has formulated. I find the perspective helpful as I continue my journey of deepening my acceptance and happiness with life.
The perspective goes something like this: Caring for and giving to others can be broken down into two distinct types. (Remember I am not talking about the truth - only my perspective, which is belief-based.)
The first type is a caring and a giving that is based on accepting, loving and wanting the best for the other person. It is a giving that comes from the joy of caring for this person and requires nothing back in return, because the giving itself feels good and is in agreement with how you want to live your life.
The second type is caring and giving that is based on saving yourself! This is best understood within an example. So let's say your partner wants the family to go and spend the afternoon with his/her parents and you really do not want to go, because you don't get on with the in-laws. You decide to go along with what your partner is asking for based on the saving-yourself type of giving. Your possible belief mechanism could be as follows - you go because you don't want your partner to get unhappy with You. You believe when they are unhappy with you they are not loving you, and not affirming that you are a good person (or that you are alone.) This does not feel good to you and so as a way to avoid (save yourself from) feeling bad about yourself you go to your in-laws house, so your partner stays happy and loving towards you!! You appear giving and caring, yet you really go because this is the only way you know to continue feeling good about who you are. When we give in this way, we can ultimately end up resenting our partner for "making" us go - yet really we are resenting ourselves for operating in this way.
The key to letting go of the saving-yourself type of giving is to accept that you are doing the best you can. Then, work toward feeling relaxed and good about yourself, even if your partner (or other people in your life) are unhappy with you and the choices you make.
Remember, it is a worthy cause to be happier in your life for it will lead you to be a more loving and caring person - consider it as a gift to the world.
With much love and smiles,
William
Labels: Attitude, Personal Growth, William
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posted by William Hogan, Senior Son-Rise Program Teacher at
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Wednesday, February 24, 2010
From Katrina - Tea time thoughts
As I am sitting here drinking my tea, I see the little saying that comes attached to the yogi tea bag ..."happiness comes when you overcome the most impossible obstacle", hmmm, not in my world. My world is much better than that. I know that happiness comes whenever I WANT IT to come.
I was thinking about that this morning at the dentist, there was a time when I hated the dentist and everything associated with it. Because I hated it I made the experience even worse for myself. I would tense up, cringe at the sound of any whirring, hate the feel of plastic gloves, just basically make it awful on myself. No more! I go to the dentist to take care of my teeth and therefore my body, there is no reason to make this an awful experience, this experience is helping me. Today, I acknowledged that, and had the best time I could at the dentist. I was relaxed, I made playful conversation with the dentist, let him work his expertise on me, and I tapped my feet to the radio and thought about well...this blog. If I can make the dentist a happy experience I know I can take this intention with me anywhere.
When I am in a Son Rise program playroom I always bring that happiness. If I ever feel my energy drop, I remember why I am there, to help this child and show him/her how wonderful connecting with other people can be. I feel like giving this child my happiness and acceptance no matter what is the best way to invite them into my world. I remember what Samahria always says that you don't have to go into the playroom, that is also a choice. So, if I choose to go into that playroom I am going to show that child the most exciting happy world I can!
wishing you all happy times,
Katrina
I was thinking about that this morning at the dentist, there was a time when I hated the dentist and everything associated with it. Because I hated it I made the experience even worse for myself. I would tense up, cringe at the sound of any whirring, hate the feel of plastic gloves, just basically make it awful on myself. No more! I go to the dentist to take care of my teeth and therefore my body, there is no reason to make this an awful experience, this experience is helping me. Today, I acknowledged that, and had the best time I could at the dentist. I was relaxed, I made playful conversation with the dentist, let him work his expertise on me, and I tapped my feet to the radio and thought about well...this blog. If I can make the dentist a happy experience I know I can take this intention with me anywhere.
When I am in a Son Rise program playroom I always bring that happiness. If I ever feel my energy drop, I remember why I am there, to help this child and show him/her how wonderful connecting with other people can be. I feel like giving this child my happiness and acceptance no matter what is the best way to invite them into my world. I remember what Samahria always says that you don't have to go into the playroom, that is also a choice. So, if I choose to go into that playroom I am going to show that child the most exciting happy world I can!
wishing you all happy times,
Katrina
Labels: Attitude, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Katrina at
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Saturday, February 20, 2010
From Kate Wilde:Joining the Ism
From Kate Wilde: Joining the the ism is at the heart of the Son-Rise Program, it is not just about the actions we take as we join in with our children's activities it is about how we feel and think as we take part in our children's isms.
Click on the video below to hear what Son-Rise Program teachers and Son-Rise Program child facilitators think and feel as they join children on the Autism Spectrum in their isms.
If you are on face book right now click on the title of this blog, and then on "view original blog", then on the video itself. You can also view this video on YouTube.
Much love to you and your lovely children
Kate
Labels: Attitude, Joining, Kate
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posted by Kate Wilde at
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Monday, February 15, 2010
The Journey
From Kate Wilde: Over the last 8 months or so I have been learning Argentinian Tango. For those of you who know me well this may make you smile, as I have absolutely no skill set, talent or body awareness when it comes to dancing, or come to think about it just moving gracefully in the world.
One of the many reasons I started to learn Tango was to explore the idea that we can learn anything if we practise and have a great attitude. That it is all about our attitude and our actions, not innate talent. The attitude I am talking about is very specific.
1. To believe that it is possible for me to become not just a good tango dancer, but a great one.
2.To be completely happy when I do not get it, or cannot understand a step or movement
4.To believe that wherever I am in my learning is the most perfect place to be.
5.Never entertain the thought of comparing myself unfavourable to another.
This is what I teach everyday to my students at The Autism Treatment Center of America. By students I mean the wonderful individuals I am teaching to become Son-Rise Program child facilitators and Son-Rise Program Teachers. They often times will tell me that they are not an, "outgoing person", or a "creative person", or they can't "sing", or they are not "eloquent" and so forth.
Last night I had class with my teacher, who has a great and wonderful "Son-Rise Program' attitude, she is non-judgmental, loving, celebratory, breaks things down, is creative in finding ways to help me, and always answers my many, and sometimes repetitive questions. She said to me, 'you must only think about the journey of the step, not the end result", sound familiar to you? A Son-Rise Program attitude that I had not been applying to my Tango steps.
When you find yourself thinking, "oh I can't to that" or "I am not that kind of person" think again:
Who we are is a direct result of our attitude and our actions.
Love to you on your journey with your children!!
Kate
One of the many reasons I started to learn Tango was to explore the idea that we can learn anything if we practise and have a great attitude. That it is all about our attitude and our actions, not innate talent. The attitude I am talking about is very specific.
1. To believe that it is possible for me to become not just a good tango dancer, but a great one.
2.To be completely happy when I do not get it, or cannot understand a step or movement
4.To believe that wherever I am in my learning is the most perfect place to be.
5.Never entertain the thought of comparing myself unfavourable to another.
This is what I teach everyday to my students at The Autism Treatment Center of America. By students I mean the wonderful individuals I am teaching to become Son-Rise Program child facilitators and Son-Rise Program Teachers. They often times will tell me that they are not an, "outgoing person", or a "creative person", or they can't "sing", or they are not "eloquent" and so forth.
Last night I had class with my teacher, who has a great and wonderful "Son-Rise Program' attitude, she is non-judgmental, loving, celebratory, breaks things down, is creative in finding ways to help me, and always answers my many, and sometimes repetitive questions. She said to me, 'you must only think about the journey of the step, not the end result", sound familiar to you? A Son-Rise Program attitude that I had not been applying to my Tango steps.
When you find yourself thinking, "oh I can't to that" or "I am not that kind of person" think again:
Who we are is a direct result of our attitude and our actions.
Love to you on your journey with your children!!
Kate
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Kate
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posted by Kate Wilde at
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Thursday, February 11, 2010
What did YOU learn today?
Hey hey from the Autism Treatment Center of America!!
So this week I celebrated my 25th birthday and that got me to thinking. What a journey with The Son-Rise Program I've had, from the age of 21 when I started to volunteer with with families in the UK to today being a professional Child Facilitator, helping children with autism grow, change and recover!
One thing that has kept me inspired and energised through this journey is really deciding to learn from each and every child and adult I work with. They are all so unique, beautiful and special in their own ways - I always leave my playroom sessions feeling like I have learnt something and this helps foster a sense of gratitude and love for my time in the playroom. So, here are my top learnings:
So this week I celebrated my 25th birthday and that got me to thinking. What a journey with The Son-Rise Program I've had, from the age of 21 when I started to volunteer with with families in the UK to today being a professional Child Facilitator, helping children with autism grow, change and recover!
One thing that has kept me inspired and energised through this journey is really deciding to learn from each and every child and adult I work with. They are all so unique, beautiful and special in their own ways - I always leave my playroom sessions feeling like I have learnt something and this helps foster a sense of gratitude and love for my time in the playroom. So, here are my top learnings:
- That it is possible to find beauty in anything: the play of dust in the light, the movement of my shadow, the blur of my fingers as I wave them... Anything I attend to, I can make it beautiful.
- The pleasure of being in the present moment: our children are so attentive and focused - they are so present to their environment, not worrying about the economy or taxes or insurance. My time with them is a beautiful practice of letting go of the outside world and deciding to love, moment by moment.
- That it feels good to love someone. In fact, it's the BEST feeling. From my playroom time I have learnt how good it feels to give so deeply of myself that I need nothing back in return - just giving in itself feels sooooo good!
What are YOUR favourite playroom learnings? Why not write them down before your next session, as way to focus on your love and gratitude for your special child? Maybe you could get your volunteers to write them down and share them in your next group meeting?
Remember, we are always on the journey and there is always something more to learn :)
With 25 years of love,
Jack
Labels: Attitude, Personal Growth, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Jack at
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From Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman): ODE TO SAMAHRIA
ODE TO SAMAHRIA: By Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman - Son-Rise Program Co-Originator). Complete Version.
Samahria picked me to love when she was 17. When I presented my writing and ideas with intensity, she tickled me and laughed. When I hesitated, she said "jump." When Raun became autistic, she joined him in his world (in a small bathroom) and helped us begin a three-and-a-half year journey that created a treatment revolution (The Son-Rise Program®) for children with autism. When I suggested adopting yet another child of trauma as a way to express our gratitude for our blessings, she said "when?" When we started the Institute, she worked with me side-by-side as we created classes and curriculum as well as cleaned buildings and made beds for arriving participants. When I have written my books about our work with families and children and what we and our staff teach to adults (Option Process®), she has been more than my sounding board but my editor and biggest fan (and co-writer of one of those books and co-screenwriter of the Son-Rise movie). When I asked her to climb down a rope ladder on an ocean-liner during a storm in order to help my dying father, she took a deep breath, pushed through her fear and lowered herself right after me into a tiny fishing boat bobbing in the icy waves off the coast of Alaska.
And, when I am tired at night after teaching, doing sessions and meeting with staff all day (just as she had done), Samahria strolls into my office where I am still working, takes my hand gently and invites me to choose life and go to sleep. We're all blessed for a multitude of reasons. Helping individuals, families and children as best we can for decades is a continuous highlight of our lives. But my greatest blessing is to be loved by my very special life-long bride and best friend and sweet mama to all our children -- she loves me like no other, inspires me to do my best and builds bridges with me to our dreams.
Samahria picked me to love when she was 17. When I presented my writing and ideas with intensity, she tickled me and laughed. When I hesitated, she said "jump." When Raun became autistic, she joined him in his world (in a small bathroom) and helped us begin a three-and-a-half year journey that created a treatment revolution (The Son-Rise Program®) for children with autism. When I suggested adopting yet another child of trauma as a way to express our gratitude for our blessings, she said "when?" When we started the Institute, she worked with me side-by-side as we created classes and curriculum as well as cleaned buildings and made beds for arriving participants. When I have written my books about our work with families and children and what we and our staff teach to adults (Option Process®), she has been more than my sounding board but my editor and biggest fan (and co-writer of one of those books and co-screenwriter of the Son-Rise movie). When I asked her to climb down a rope ladder on an ocean-liner during a storm in order to help my dying father, she took a deep breath, pushed through her fear and lowered herself right after me into a tiny fishing boat bobbing in the icy waves off the coast of Alaska.
And, when I am tired at night after teaching, doing sessions and meeting with staff all day (just as she had done), Samahria strolls into my office where I am still working, takes my hand gently and invites me to choose life and go to sleep. We're all blessed for a multitude of reasons. Helping individuals, families and children as best we can for decades is a continuous highlight of our lives. But my greatest blessing is to be loved by my very special life-long bride and best friend and sweet mama to all our children -- she loves me like no other, inspires me to do my best and builds bridges with me to our dreams.
Labels: Attitude, Bears, Celebrations, Samahria
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posted by (Bears) Barry Neil Kaufman, Founder, Option Inst. at
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Tuesday, February 9, 2010
From Becky: Potty Fun!
Hi All,
My next series of blogs are going to be about the toilet!!! Yeah for the toilet. Here at The Autism Treatment Center of America we love the toilet, we are excited about the toilet and we have many many ideas that can help your child get interested in the toilet, be motivated to sit on it, and to use it.
1) Get excited about pee and poop! How do we expect our children to be interested using the toilet if we, ourselves are making the pee and poop experience out to be a negative one.
I used to babysit for a Neuro-Typical 2 year old who's parents would make a big face as they would change his diaper and say "Peeeeeeeewww", they would refer to it as a "Stinky diaper" and then as a result, he wouldn't ever want to get his diaper changed and would be controlling around it.
Let's let our children know that peeing and pooping is a natural thing that out body does, it's helpful to us, useful and fun! Our bodies feel better when we do it and everybody does it. If you hide the fact that you do it too from them, then they will never learn how to manage it themselves.
When you need to go for a pee or a poop, tell them what's happening for you, do it in front of them and then give yourself a big cheer for putting it in the toilet. This is great to model with your other children and your partners. Give eachother a high five when you poop in the potty, let eachother flush the toilet after you have done a pee. We need to exaggerate things for our special children so that they take notice.
Let's get pee and poop, out of the closet!
More coming soon..........
My next series of blogs are going to be about the toilet!!! Yeah for the toilet. Here at The Autism Treatment Center of America we love the toilet, we are excited about the toilet and we have many many ideas that can help your child get interested in the toilet, be motivated to sit on it, and to use it.
1) Get excited about pee and poop! How do we expect our children to be interested using the toilet if we, ourselves are making the pee and poop experience out to be a negative one.
I used to babysit for a Neuro-Typical 2 year old who's parents would make a big face as they would change his diaper and say "Peeeeeeeewww", they would refer to it as a "Stinky diaper" and then as a result, he wouldn't ever want to get his diaper changed and would be controlling around it.
Let's let our children know that peeing and pooping is a natural thing that out body does, it's helpful to us, useful and fun! Our bodies feel better when we do it and everybody does it. If you hide the fact that you do it too from them, then they will never learn how to manage it themselves.
When you need to go for a pee or a poop, tell them what's happening for you, do it in front of them and then give yourself a big cheer for putting it in the toilet. This is great to model with your other children and your partners. Give eachother a high five when you poop in the potty, let eachother flush the toilet after you have done a pee. We need to exaggerate things for our special children so that they take notice.
Let's get pee and poop, out of the closet!
More coming soon..........
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Self-Help Skills, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
1:33 PM
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Thursday, January 28, 2010
From Becky: What is my purpose?
This is a question that has come up in discussions recently when working with wonderful parents and volunteers in The Son-Rise Program.
Is my purpose in the playroom to position for eye contact? To request language? To catch every green light?, to join at the perfect distance?
Or.........
is it to build a loving relationship with my child?, to be as accepting to myself and my child as possible? To be comfortable and present? To relax and have a good time?
The list goes on.........
Sometimes we can get so caught up in the technical side of things that we forget to focus on the attitude.
The very core of the The Son-Rise Program is the attitude! When I am in the attitude and see that as my purpose when working with children and parents, I have unstop able creativity and ideas flowing out of my pores.
Ask yourself, what is my purpose? the next time you go to work with your child. Re-define it for yourself, when you choose to have a purpose that is attitudinal versus technical, the techniques and your creativity will endlessly pore from you because you will be relaxed and present and therefore see what your child is doing with new eyes.
Is my purpose in the playroom to position for eye contact? To request language? To catch every green light?, to join at the perfect distance?
Or.........
is it to build a loving relationship with my child?, to be as accepting to myself and my child as possible? To be comfortable and present? To relax and have a good time?
The list goes on.........
Sometimes we can get so caught up in the technical side of things that we forget to focus on the attitude.
The very core of the The Son-Rise Program is the attitude! When I am in the attitude and see that as my purpose when working with children and parents, I have unstop able creativity and ideas flowing out of my pores.
Ask yourself, what is my purpose? the next time you go to work with your child. Re-define it for yourself, when you choose to have a purpose that is attitudinal versus technical, the techniques and your creativity will endlessly pore from you because you will be relaxed and present and therefore see what your child is doing with new eyes.
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Personal Growth, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
6:52 AM
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Wednesday, January 27, 2010
From Katrina: I'm back!
From Katrina: Hello all of you amazing people! I am excited to be back to work at the Autism Treatment Center of America after taking a 3 month hiatus to be with my beautiful new baby, Kyla.
Joining the ranks of motherhood has probably been easier I think, since I have been trained in the Son Rise program. So much that I have learned has proven extra effective in parenting at home. For example:
On my very first day with Kyla she would not eat. I tried many people's suggestions, but Kyla just wouldn't do it. We even took her to the doctor who gave us some ideas that still would not work. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, in order to be a "good" mother I had to get my child to eat. Everyone was watching me and waiting for Kyla to perform. Finally, at the end of the day the midwife left me alone to relax, she said to not worry and just enjoy my baby. When she left, I let go of my need to "control" the situation. I could feel the tension ease out of my body. Literally the second I did this, Kyla decided to eat.
Like Kyla, many nonverbal or autistic children can sense our moods. When we try to put pressure on them to do something our way, they resist. Yet, when we give them the control, accept them no matter what, and still go for what we want, they are more likely to do it. This is what I love about the Son Rise program. We put the power in the child's hands. This is so much more motivating for them ... and it works for me!
I'm excited to be with you all again and back in that magical playroom!
Lots of Love,
Katrina
Joining the ranks of motherhood has probably been easier I think, since I have been trained in the Son Rise program. So much that I have learned has proven extra effective in parenting at home. For example:
On my very first day with Kyla she would not eat. I tried many people's suggestions, but Kyla just wouldn't do it. We even took her to the doctor who gave us some ideas that still would not work. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, in order to be a "good" mother I had to get my child to eat. Everyone was watching me and waiting for Kyla to perform. Finally, at the end of the day the midwife left me alone to relax, she said to not worry and just enjoy my baby. When she left, I let go of my need to "control" the situation. I could feel the tension ease out of my body. Literally the second I did this, Kyla decided to eat.
Like Kyla, many nonverbal or autistic children can sense our moods. When we try to put pressure on them to do something our way, they resist. Yet, when we give them the control, accept them no matter what, and still go for what we want, they are more likely to do it. This is what I love about the Son Rise program. We put the power in the child's hands. This is so much more motivating for them ... and it works for me!
I'm excited to be with you all again and back in that magical playroom!
Lots of Love,
Katrina
Labels: Attitude, Giving Control, Parenting, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Katrina at
12:36 PM
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Monday, January 25, 2010
Day One: Live from the UK Son-Rise Program Start-Up
From Bryn: I stood in front of 172 individuals. They were from countries such as the Czech Republic, Nigeria, Croatia, Australia, Bosnia and others. They practiced different religions, spoke different languages and were every shade of color. At a glance, they looked as though they they were extremely different from one another. Yet, they had more in common with each other than they did with most of their neighbors.
They represented children ranging in age from 2-33 years. These children had diagnosis such as Autism, Epilepsy, Sensory Integration Disorder, Aspergers Syndrome, Global Developmental Delay and others. They had come to attend The Son-Rise Program Start-Up because they wanted help for their children and most of all, as one woman said when asked why she most hoped to get from the week, "Hope".
This morning, before we began to teach, they told us:
"Since we started using the techniques he is more open to us, he has started to use words to ask for things, even in the last few days, he has started answering questions! He's more loving with his siblings and he has started to laugh again."
"Using the Son-Rise Program techniques that we learned from books and videos has helped Nathan to change so much. He has gone from no eye contact and all language gone, back to higher eye contact, and lots of words. He is now playful and cooperative - we are amazed!"
"We used the techniques for two weeks over the Christmas holiday and he started to speak. We saw him change so much, we decided not send him back to school, this is the program for us."
"Two days after I attended Raun Kaufman's lecture I started to use the techniques...two days later, my son, who is 'non-verbal' said, 'I love you'."
I told the groups that The Son-Rise Program I did with my daughter Jade when she was autistic was the greatest experience of my life. William and I feel so blessed to be here and to offer these families a glimpse of the possibilities that await them.
And so it begins...their adventure with The Son-Rise Program and with their child...
With so much joy,
Bryn
They represented children ranging in age from 2-33 years. These children had diagnosis such as Autism, Epilepsy, Sensory Integration Disorder, Aspergers Syndrome, Global Developmental Delay and others. They had come to attend The Son-Rise Program Start-Up because they wanted help for their children and most of all, as one woman said when asked why she most hoped to get from the week, "Hope".
This morning, before we began to teach, they told us:
"Since we started using the techniques he is more open to us, he has started to use words to ask for things, even in the last few days, he has started answering questions! He's more loving with his siblings and he has started to laugh again."
"Using the Son-Rise Program techniques that we learned from books and videos has helped Nathan to change so much. He has gone from no eye contact and all language gone, back to higher eye contact, and lots of words. He is now playful and cooperative - we are amazed!"
"We used the techniques for two weeks over the Christmas holiday and he started to speak. We saw him change so much, we decided not send him back to school, this is the program for us."
"Two days after I attended Raun Kaufman's lecture I started to use the techniques...two days later, my son, who is 'non-verbal' said, 'I love you'."
I told the groups that The Son-Rise Program I did with my daughter Jade when she was autistic was the greatest experience of my life. William and I feel so blessed to be here and to offer these families a glimpse of the possibilities that await them.
And so it begins...their adventure with The Son-Rise Program and with their child...
With so much joy,
Bryn
Labels: Attitude, Bryn, Inspiration, Training Programs
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posted by Bryn Hogan, Executive Director, ATCA at
1:41 PM
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Thursday, January 21, 2010
From Alison: Once more into the playroom dear friends!
I have just been away to the Option Institute for two weeks to do the Group Facilitation Program and I was wondering how things would be on the playroom front on my return, Here's what happened:
I was particularly excited as I walked in through the playroom door after nearly three weeks away, there is something delicious about having two whole hours uninterrupted Mummy and Jordan time to do whatever takes our fancy in the moment. But this time was extra special because Jordan had stood at the foot of the stairs and called up "Mummy, I'm ready to play" I had legged it down the stairs as fast as I could not wanting to miss his cue. We started off playing an Ice Cream game (this is a seriously big motivation for him and me) then moved on to playing a music game where we link our love of music with garbage disposal, it works by taking songs and then replacing some of the words with the word bin - so Pink's song u and ur hand becomes u and ur bin - such fun to do and before long our sides hurt because we were laughing so much. Then on to a christmas cracker game. One game followed another and before I knew it the session was over - almost totally interactive. Then it occurred to me about how I had created the excitement for myself because I believed that the first session after an absence of nearly three weeks would be especially magical. But, what if I could create that level of excitement every time, I could make up all sorts of reasons to be excited, but just think of the impact that could have for Jordan, how different would I be if I ran to the playroom everytime just longing to play with him again, I could make every day special, it would make my love for him and my desire to play with him so much more visible. So what beliefs could we make up to get us in that place where we are so excited we just can't wait to get in there? Read more!
I was particularly excited as I walked in through the playroom door after nearly three weeks away, there is something delicious about having two whole hours uninterrupted Mummy and Jordan time to do whatever takes our fancy in the moment. But this time was extra special because Jordan had stood at the foot of the stairs and called up "Mummy, I'm ready to play" I had legged it down the stairs as fast as I could not wanting to miss his cue. We started off playing an Ice Cream game (this is a seriously big motivation for him and me) then moved on to playing a music game where we link our love of music with garbage disposal, it works by taking songs and then replacing some of the words with the word bin - so Pink's song u and ur hand becomes u and ur bin - such fun to do and before long our sides hurt because we were laughing so much. Then on to a christmas cracker game. One game followed another and before I knew it the session was over - almost totally interactive. Then it occurred to me about how I had created the excitement for myself because I believed that the first session after an absence of nearly three weeks would be especially magical. But, what if I could create that level of excitement every time, I could make up all sorts of reasons to be excited, but just think of the impact that could have for Jordan, how different would I be if I ran to the playroom everytime just longing to play with him again, I could make every day special, it would make my love for him and my desire to play with him so much more visible. So what beliefs could we make up to get us in that place where we are so excited we just can't wait to get in there? Read more!
posted by Alison Taylor at
2:19 PM
2 Comments
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
From Rae: Be Present - Staying in the Moment
From Rae: I am exhausted! Wore-out! I am struggling to keep my patience due to lack of sleep and worries. I am a single mom - so once Tyler's Son-Rise team goes home I am on my own. My daughter, Tyler, will be 16 in February and she has had many medical problems in the last year and a half. Her language is limited to 10 words at most. She has been screaming out and crying throughout the nite until she falls asleep. I don't know whats wrong. She wants me to get away but then she starts screaming again.
Thoughts run through my head - Is she really hurting or is she playing a game? I dont know. I go with what I know - if she screams, let her know I am here to help her. Move slow so she doesn't think she's getting a reaction out of me and controlling my every move. Over and over and over this happens. Throughout the nite it seems as if she looks for things to try my patience. I stay as calm as possible. I want to scream at times. Things she is wanting aren't working all of a sudden and she gets upset. I cant fix them fast enough. I stay calm and stay in the present and let her know I'm here for her if she needs me. She screams loud, over and over again.....and then sarcastically I think to myself - If God doesn't give us more than we can handle, just how much does he think I can take?
Then my thoughts go back to my learnings of the Son-Rise Program® - what can I learn from this? How can I keep my patience day in and day out. I just keep practicing "staying in the moment." The wonderful thing about staying in the moment is that you don't miss anything. While all this was going on, every now and then she would stop and do something new. For example, she pointed to her dvds and took one dvd at a time and looked them over from the front side then the back side as if she was reading them. In the playroom she doesn't show interests in books or reading. Was she reading them - I think so. I have learned a great lesson I had been taught from the Son-Rise Program®
Be Present. Had I not "stayed in the moment" I would have missed that wonderful happening.
Love, Rae Read more!
Thoughts run through my head - Is she really hurting or is she playing a game? I dont know. I go with what I know - if she screams, let her know I am here to help her. Move slow so she doesn't think she's getting a reaction out of me and controlling my every move. Over and over and over this happens. Throughout the nite it seems as if she looks for things to try my patience. I stay as calm as possible. I want to scream at times. Things she is wanting aren't working all of a sudden and she gets upset. I cant fix them fast enough. I stay calm and stay in the present and let her know I'm here for her if she needs me. She screams loud, over and over again.....and then sarcastically I think to myself - If God doesn't give us more than we can handle, just how much does he think I can take?
Then my thoughts go back to my learnings of the Son-Rise Program® - what can I learn from this? How can I keep my patience day in and day out. I just keep practicing "staying in the moment." The wonderful thing about staying in the moment is that you don't miss anything. While all this was going on, every now and then she would stop and do something new. For example, she pointed to her dvds and took one dvd at a time and looked them over from the front side then the back side as if she was reading them. In the playroom she doesn't show interests in books or reading. Was she reading them - I think so. I have learned a great lesson I had been taught from the Son-Rise Program®
Be Present. Had I not "stayed in the moment" I would have missed that wonderful happening.
Love, Rae Read more!
posted by raetyty at
7:18 PM
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Thursday, January 14, 2010
For You
From Kate Wilde: I was thinking this morning about all of you who read these blogs. Parents who are running Son-Rise Programs for their children. Parents who are wanting to find different ways of reaching their children on the Autism Spectrum, and professionals who also want to help the children in their care in the best way possible.
I was thinking how great it is that each of you are wanting so much for your children and how I could support you today. So today I offer my support in this way:
Know that you are an amazing person just as you are today.
You do not have to change one thing about yourself to know this.
You do not have to do anything more to prove this.
You do not have to alter yourself in anyway to be this.
You are not just OK as you are, you are GREAT.
I know this about you.....do you?
With love
Kate Read more!
I was thinking how great it is that each of you are wanting so much for your children and how I could support you today. So today I offer my support in this way:
Know that you are an amazing person just as you are today.
You do not have to change one thing about yourself to know this.
You do not have to do anything more to prove this.
You do not have to alter yourself in anyway to be this.
You are not just OK as you are, you are GREAT.
I know this about you.....do you?
With love
Kate Read more!
posted by Kate Wilde at
6:21 AM
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Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Joining
From Kate Wilde:Joining is at the heart of the Son-Rise Program methodology. Joining means that when our children on the autistic spectrum are engaged in their repetitious and/or exclusive activities, we do exactly what they are doing. If they are pacing around the room exclusively(not looking at us or paying attention to us) then we join by pacing around the room in the exact same way. If they are repeating a phrase from a movie, or reciting a story to themselves, then we will recite the same movie or story to ourselves.
When we are doing what they are doing we are doing it sincerely, really enjoying taking part in their activity. We do this to be closer to them, to populate their world with people so that they are no longer alone.
What are we saying to our children when we join them like this?
We are saying:
That we love them, even when they do not look at us, even when they do not respond to us.
That we do not need them to change in-order for us to be happy with them.
That we care for them and are interested in what they are interested in.
That we would do anything, even stare at a light switch, or spin in a circle a thousand times just so we can be close to them.
That we respect them and believe that what they want to do has worth and merit.
That we believe in them and trust that they are doing the best that they can to take care of themselves.
We are saying that they can trust us, for we love them exactly for who they are right now in this moment, not for who they will become or what they give to us.
This is what I was saying when I joined my God child Jade Adina Hogan during her Son-Rise Program. I said this for hours and hours and hours, as she scrunched up tiny little pieces of paper into tiny balls and placed them into a tiny china tea pot. As she changed mickey mouse's diaper again and again and again. This was said to her by her whole Son-Rise Program team every minute she inhabited her own world.
Last night I had dinner with her and her parents, Bryn and William Hogan Son-Rise Program teachers here at The Autism Treatment Center of America. I was greeted by Jade with squeals of delight, lots of kisses and hugs, and chatter about her Christmas and the things she wants to do with me when I see her next time. Ahhhh the fruits of hours and hours of joining her, trusting that loving her in this way mattered.
Have fun trusting your children.
with love
Kate
When we are doing what they are doing we are doing it sincerely, really enjoying taking part in their activity. We do this to be closer to them, to populate their world with people so that they are no longer alone.
What are we saying to our children when we join them like this?
We are saying:
That we love them, even when they do not look at us, even when they do not respond to us.
That we do not need them to change in-order for us to be happy with them.
That we care for them and are interested in what they are interested in.
That we would do anything, even stare at a light switch, or spin in a circle a thousand times just so we can be close to them.
That we respect them and believe that what they want to do has worth and merit.
That we believe in them and trust that they are doing the best that they can to take care of themselves.
We are saying that they can trust us, for we love them exactly for who they are right now in this moment, not for who they will become or what they give to us.
This is what I was saying when I joined my God child Jade Adina Hogan during her Son-Rise Program. I said this for hours and hours and hours, as she scrunched up tiny little pieces of paper into tiny balls and placed them into a tiny china tea pot. As she changed mickey mouse's diaper again and again and again. This was said to her by her whole Son-Rise Program team every minute she inhabited her own world.
Last night I had dinner with her and her parents, Bryn and William Hogan Son-Rise Program teachers here at The Autism Treatment Center of America. I was greeted by Jade with squeals of delight, lots of kisses and hugs, and chatter about her Christmas and the things she wants to do with me when I see her next time. Ahhhh the fruits of hours and hours of joining her, trusting that loving her in this way mattered.
Have fun trusting your children.
with love
Kate
Labels: Attitude, Joining, Kate
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posted by Kate Wilde at
1:14 PM
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Sunday, January 10, 2010
Choose Happiness
From Kate Wilde: Here at the Autism treatment Center of America we believe that being happy and deeply comfortable when working with a child on the Autism spectrum is the most important ingredient in helping them to grow.
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When we are happy we are more likely to be warm and loving, we smile, laugh and enjoy our children more. Thus we are more inviting for our children to reach out and want to play with us.
When we are happy we are more likely to be present, thus more responsive to our children, the more responsive we are to our children's cues the more they will want to come to us for help, the more opportunities we have to help them socially interact.
In short happier people are more attractive to be around. Our autistic children are more sensitive to our attitudes so this applies more to them than to the average person.
I know that so many of you lovely parents and professionals out there are really taking action with your children and prioritizing their growth and creating amazing learning opportunities. The question is are your prioritizing your own happiness? Take a few minutes right now and write down a list of your priorities starting with the most important and go from there. Where did your put your own happiness? Was it number one or number 10, did it even feature on your list?
One thing you can you do right now to help you re-prioritize your happiness is simply just decide to be happy.
- Take one 30 minute segment a day, where you decide that no matter what happens you are going to choose to be happy.
- Pick a 30 minute period that is usually challenging for you, whether it is putting your children to bed, or when you are juggling more that one thing.
- Once you can do this for one 30 minute period, then add another 30 minute period in.
So much power can come from having a clear intention and time period to choose happiness.
with love to you
Kate
posted by Kate Wilde at
9:22 AM
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Thursday, January 7, 2010
Seeing Change in Others.
From Kate Wilde: I have just spent a wonderful morning in The Son-Rise Program Intensive discussing the notion of believing that another person can and will change.
For our children on the Autism Spectrum, to believe in their ability to change and grow is so very important, for this fuels our desire to offer them opportunities and experiences to make those changes. It is also important for us to see them a new each day so that we can observe those changes, thus helping us in two ways, one to celebrate them for those changes, and two to create new goals for them, thus helping them to keep growing.
This morning we extended this idea to the other people in our lives, our partners, work colleagues, and friends. Are we believing in them? Do we believe that they will change when they announce their new years resolutions, or do we roll our eyes in disbelief? Are we looking for the evidence of their changes, or are we just waiting for them to "mess up".
Lets help the other people in our lives make the changes they are wanting, by believing in them, looking for evidence of their change, and celebrating them.
This sets the tone of a supportive environment which is focusing on the now, verses the past.
Have fun loving the people in your lives this way.
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posted by Kate Wilde at
9:59 AM
1 Comments
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Which comes first?
Which comes first - our child's behaviour or our attitude about it? Sort of a chicken and egg type question. In this case, the behaviour happens first, then our attitude/thoughts about it, but then where do we start to lead with our attitude.
At a team meeting a couple of weeks ago, I had a revelation. I got that rather than getting comfortable with Jordyn's pinching behaviour (not reacting), I had become complacent. I actually got that who was walking in the room to be with him was a "pinching bag". While I had coached other team members to create their sessions outside the room, and they had created "no pinching today", I was clear I'd get pinched. And guess what, I got pinched. Was it my attitude OR Jordyn's action that came first... hmmmm.... changed my attitude and the behaviour decreased!
Attitude or behaviour, which comes first?
I'm now looking again at where I am "hoping" for a different behaviour but have stopped creating it and have become resigned to that its going to be that way. You could say, where I've stopped being a force of creation! The question to ask myself always is "What am I creating?"... if attitude comes first (and I believe it does) then the behaviour and miracles will follow.
What are you creating?
Love and best wishes at the beginning of another miraculous year - Kelli
Labels: Aggressive Behaviors, Attitude
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posted by Kelli Pallett, Son-Rise Mom at
11:10 AM
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Monday, January 4, 2010
Say Yes to Change.
From Kate Wilde: I recently wrote the below to a lovely Son-Rise Program Student of mine. Today I write this to you:
"I hear nothing but wonderful and inspiring things about you.
It takes great daring to leap into a space that is new and unfamiliar.
You have taken flight and shown yourself that you can say yes to change
That you can become anything that you put your mind to.
All you have to so is say yes and step into it.
Keep growing, keep stepping, your future is yours in the making.
Congratulations for your journey thus far!!!!
For all the effort and care and persistence you are putting into it."
As you read this in reference to yourself , what are you saying yes to, what are you growing within yourself?
With much love to you and great respect for your journey with your beautiful children.
Labels: Attitude, Kate, Personal Growth
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posted by Kate Wilde at
1:34 PM
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Friday, January 1, 2010
From Alison: It's all about me!!!
I Started off with my Son Rise program a few years ago now because I wanted to reach out to my son Jordan, but the journey took an unexpected twist here is what happened.
When I started out on the Son Rise journey with my son Jordan I thought that if I just learned why he did the things that he did that I could help him not do them anymore and I could teach him how to play my games instead. It turned out that actually what I needed to do; was to find out why I did the things that I did, then learn to play his games instead and then put in a few of my own. I was amazed at how much the Son Rise program was about me and my attitude. I had to learn to love and accept myself first and then that love and acceptance overflowed to Jordan including his autism. It is a phenomenal change in my life, I have gone from feeling invisible to feeling alive, from feeling lost to having a clear sense of purpose. Everyday when I wake up I make a decision to make my love for myself and Jordan more obvious and it is now that we share so many precious moments together - the ones I dreamed about at the beginning of our journey.
When I started out on the Son Rise journey with my son Jordan I thought that if I just learned why he did the things that he did that I could help him not do them anymore and I could teach him how to play my games instead. It turned out that actually what I needed to do; was to find out why I did the things that I did, then learn to play his games instead and then put in a few of my own. I was amazed at how much the Son Rise program was about me and my attitude. I had to learn to love and accept myself first and then that love and acceptance overflowed to Jordan including his autism. It is a phenomenal change in my life, I have gone from feeling invisible to feeling alive, from feeling lost to having a clear sense of purpose. Everyday when I wake up I make a decision to make my love for myself and Jordan more obvious and it is now that we share so many precious moments together - the ones I dreamed about at the beginning of our journey.
Labels: Attitude, Personal Growth
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posted by Alison Taylor at
4:26 AM
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Monday, December 21, 2009
The ancient art of juggling!!
From Alison: Are you crazy busy right now? Trying to run a Son Rise Program and a house and care for your children during the school holidays and prepare for the holiday festivities and to cap it all now dig yourself out of the snow?
I love this time of the year - almost everyone seems to catch on to the idea of the 3E's and life takes on a magical quality as we await the BIG day with anticipation. But for the people who provide all the finance, presents and food etc it can feel very stressful and in the past I have felt stressed by what I felt was my duty to make everyone happy. After all there is so much to remember, getting the right people to the right places with the right stuff for that all important performance or party. It can feel like juggling 20 balls at once with a very grave danger that they could all end up on the floor.
I love this time of the year - almost everyone seems to catch on to the idea of the 3E's and life takes on a magical quality as we await the BIG day with anticipation. But for the people who provide all the finance, presents and food etc it can feel very stressful and in the past I have felt stressed by what I felt was my duty to make everyone happy. After all there is so much to remember, getting the right people to the right places with the right stuff for that all important performance or party. It can feel like juggling 20 balls at once with a very grave danger that they could all end up on the floor.
So how have I done things differently this year? Well in the past I have decorated every room in my house except the playroom with christmas lights, paper chains and tinsel, it took weeks to put it all up and bit by bit Jordan pulled it all down again (including the tree), I did this because I love the sparkle of christmas lights and tinsel , but I was so busy doing it all that I didn't notice that Jordan found it too much. My change in approach came from me sitting down with myself and deciding what I thought was really important - what did I want this year. I realised thanks to the programs that I have been on this year at The Option Institute, that if I was stressed then I was doing that to myself, that if I was overworked then it was because I had decided that I wanted to carry on till I could carry on no longer - I owned my actions and my feelings. So this year, I have slashed my workload, with only one tree, less food, and the knowledge that I can't make other people happy they have to do that for themselves. One thing that I knew I did want was to actually have time to play more over the holidays to not be so wrapped up in the task of christmas that I missed the opportunity to develop relationships with the people around me. I am making that my priority this year. So far I am not stressed and am loving the fun of making a snow dude in our garden and continuing with the Son Rise program with a christmas theme.
I hope that you have a wonderful holiday and that you enjoy whichever festival it is that you celebrate with the people that you love and that you have a blessed and peaceful 2010
Labels: Attitude
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posted by Alison Taylor at
1:45 AM
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Sunday, December 20, 2009
From Jack: On Anger and Powerlessness...
From Jack: Hullo friends!
So I'm writing this from JFK airport, where I have been stranded for 12 hours due to heavy snows, and am due to be here for another 12 hours before a replacement flight back to the UK can be scheduled... this entails trying to sleep on the hard, cold floor (all the hotels were booked by the time they cancelled my flight), not having anything to wash with for over 24 hours (!!!) and missing a big family party back in England that I was excited to attend.
Now, this has got me thinking about when things happen that are outside our control. I noticed that when our flight was first delayed, then cancelled, many people reacted by getting angry. Some just looked grumpy and muttered to each other, others shouted at the airline staff. I even noticed myself getting a little frustrated - this wasn't turning out to be the smooth travel experience I wanted!
And then I thought a little about anger. So often, we get angry because things are happening that we cannot control. We feel powerless and so shouting at someone is a way for us to feel more powerful. But my question is - does it really work? I know that whether I get angry or not, my plane won't magically be able to take off. So why get myself upset and angry about it? Why not enjoy the situation that the universe has given me? Why not see this sense of powerlessness as a challenge to step-up and find something to love in any circumstance? If we can't change the situation, why not at least give ourselves the best experience waiting it out?
Have a wonderful, deeply loving holiday season
Much love and warmth
Jack
So I'm writing this from JFK airport, where I have been stranded for 12 hours due to heavy snows, and am due to be here for another 12 hours before a replacement flight back to the UK can be scheduled... this entails trying to sleep on the hard, cold floor (all the hotels were booked by the time they cancelled my flight), not having anything to wash with for over 24 hours (!!!) and missing a big family party back in England that I was excited to attend.
Now, this has got me thinking about when things happen that are outside our control. I noticed that when our flight was first delayed, then cancelled, many people reacted by getting angry. Some just looked grumpy and muttered to each other, others shouted at the airline staff. I even noticed myself getting a little frustrated - this wasn't turning out to be the smooth travel experience I wanted!
And then I thought a little about anger. So often, we get angry because things are happening that we cannot control. We feel powerless and so shouting at someone is a way for us to feel more powerful. But my question is - does it really work? I know that whether I get angry or not, my plane won't magically be able to take off. So why get myself upset and angry about it? Why not enjoy the situation that the universe has given me? Why not see this sense of powerlessness as a challenge to step-up and find something to love in any circumstance? If we can't change the situation, why not at least give ourselves the best experience waiting it out?
Have a wonderful, deeply loving holiday season
Much love and warmth
Jack
Labels: Attitude, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Jack at
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Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Revelling in the Little Things
From Kelli Pallett: Hi all, I never thought when Jordyn was born that he would teach me so much - about myself, about love, about being grateful, patient, and accepting.
I woke up this morning as my 6 yr old son climbed into bed, and layed right on top of me, grabbed my face, smiled, and said "tickle tickle". We then spent a good 20-30 minutes laying there, tickling, kissing, gazing in each others eyes. And I was so grateful and full of love. There was no where else to be, and nothing else to do than be in those moments with him. Doesn't sound like such a big deal until you know that this little guy was so in his own world when he was 2.5 that he hardly acknowledged us.
It got me thinking of all the little things that I've learned from this little guy.
To name just a few:
- being grateful for our profound connection vs. taking it for granted;
- for slowing life down and teaching me to revel in each and every achievement that we have together - smelling the roses that we have rather than seeing and dwelling on what could be perceived as missing;
- for teaching me to really love and accept myself for who I am, and others for who they are - that we are all doing the best we can with the beliefs that we have
- for challenging me to grow beyond my own limits and boundaries and question what I thought were my limits.
I could go on in detail, with a few of the specifics like Jordyn saying "orange" this morning as he picked up an orange marker and handed it to me (something new), or putting his plate from breakfast back on the counter without being asked, or expressing his wants with passion and persistence, or me sharing myself in this blog, ... all the little miracles add up.
It is opening our hearts to the many little things that make the biggest difference on this journey. I'd love to hear what you are grateful for.
With love and gratitude -
Kelli
Labels: Attitude
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posted by Kelli Pallett, Son-Rise Mom at
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Monday, December 14, 2009
Love
From Kate Wilde: Today, as we do every Monday, the Son-Rise Program Intensive staff got together and did a guided visualization. The subject of our visualization is the Frederick family. They are here this week attending the Son-Rise Program Intensive with their five year old son with Autism.
We have yet to met them, but even before we do we have sat down held hands and opened our hearts to them. Setting our intention to offer them our love and acceptance first, and our knowledge second. Knowing that this is the most important thing we can do. That it is our love that will be the most powerful in helping facilitate any changes that they are wanting for themselves and their son.
As we hold hands together and send them this love, we grow stronger as a team, united by the clarity of a single vision, that no matter the situation, love is the answer.
Another week of joining, challenging, theme making, feedback, dialogs, and answering questions lies before us.
What lies before you and what will be your underlying intention as you spring into action?
Much love to you
Kate Read more!
We have yet to met them, but even before we do we have sat down held hands and opened our hearts to them. Setting our intention to offer them our love and acceptance first, and our knowledge second. Knowing that this is the most important thing we can do. That it is our love that will be the most powerful in helping facilitate any changes that they are wanting for themselves and their son.
As we hold hands together and send them this love, we grow stronger as a team, united by the clarity of a single vision, that no matter the situation, love is the answer.
Another week of joining, challenging, theme making, feedback, dialogs, and answering questions lies before us.
What lies before you and what will be your underlying intention as you spring into action?
Much love to you
Kate Read more!
posted by Kate Wilde at
5:54 AM
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009
From Kate Wilde: Making a difference
From Kate Wilde: Hi everyone, I was inspired by Kelli's blog to write this blog. First of all thank you Kelli for writing your blog, I do not think we can ever estimate the far reaching effects of what we do. You have made a difference by writing this blog, everything we do makes a difference in the world.
You can easily see that your blog has inspired me to write this blog, that is concrete as I am telling you this, but there are also many many other thing it has inspired that you will never know. Maybe the President will see it and decide to fund The Son-Rise Program for all parents who wish to use it with their autistic children in the USA. Maybe you have helped a person in Africa have the courage to ask for help with their child. Maybe someone has read it and it has sparked some hope of the possibility that they could change themselves and do what is difficult for them.
I believe that each of our acts have 1000's of consequences, the only question is when and how do we want to act. Do we want to hold out our hands and offer help, or judge another or ourselves as wrong?
You offered your hand out to help, and only great things can come from that.
Love to you all
Kate Read more!
You can easily see that your blog has inspired me to write this blog, that is concrete as I am telling you this, but there are also many many other thing it has inspired that you will never know. Maybe the President will see it and decide to fund The Son-Rise Program for all parents who wish to use it with their autistic children in the USA. Maybe you have helped a person in Africa have the courage to ask for help with their child. Maybe someone has read it and it has sparked some hope of the possibility that they could change themselves and do what is difficult for them.
I believe that each of our acts have 1000's of consequences, the only question is when and how do we want to act. Do we want to hold out our hands and offer help, or judge another or ourselves as wrong?
You offered your hand out to help, and only great things can come from that.
Love to you all
Kate Read more!
posted by Kate Wilde at
1:40 PM
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From Kelli Pallett: Anchoring New Beliefs
From Kelli Pallett: It was just a few weeks ago that we attended Son-Rise Wide Awake, and boy what a week. I left "wide awake" to, and ready to take on, all the areas of my life where I wasn't joyfully happy, fully at ease, and being a force of nature. I left that Friday feeling completely at peace, being powerful and unshakeable in what I'm committed to. I declared that I would blog on the Autism Treatment of America (TM) site as an action to keep those feelings alive and myself tapped into them. So here is my first blog.
I thought, that'll be great, I'll just share what is happening in our program, what I'm feeling, and what I'm creating... easy peasy and I get to fulfill on making a difference along the way. Well, somewhere between my declaration, getting set up on the blog, and the ensuing life that happened my identity kicked in. Rather than the freedom I felt to just share whatever my thoughts were in Wide Awake, I started to think what is the "right" thing to share, and what might people think. I began to get concerned for would my blog make as big a difference as Kate's or Jack's or Becky's. These are all VERY familiar thoughts... and definitely not the peace, power, and unshakeableness I'd been feeling.
Luckily, I had created THIS very action, this promise to contribute, and I thought "ah ha" this is the VERY thing to share. It's SO perfect... and it is what I'm thinking, feeling, and creating. I'm creating this opportunity to blog as an unabashed expression of my love for the Son-Rise Program® and the Option Process®, and a place where I can celebrate my triumphs over my disempowering beliefs, and make a difference... how perfect. I'm peaceful, powerful, and unshakeable!
What actions are you taking to anchor the new beliefs that you have adopted?
Labels: Attitude
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posted by Kelli Pallett, Son-Rise Mom at
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From Becky: This Dog is an Inspiration!
From Becky: Working at The Autism Treatment Center of America, I see examples again and again of our special children doing things that their families have been told they will never do (e.g. saying their first word at 9 years old, saying "Mommy I love you!", doing imagination play, or taking a first step).
Because I believe anything is possible, I am continually being sent emails and videos by people who have like-minded attitudes and want to share their stories of persistence and hope.
Check out this video about a dog and its owner's experience doing just that.
Because I believe anything is possible, I am continually being sent emails and videos by people who have like-minded attitudes and want to share their stories of persistence and hope.
Check out this video about a dog and its owner's experience doing just that.
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
9:25 AM
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Sunday, December 6, 2009
From Alison: Loving the joining
From Alison: One of the key parts of any Son Rise program playroom session is the Joining of our child's exclusive or repetitious behaviour, here's how that looks in my sessions with my son Jordan.
So I am in the playroom and we have just played a game, now Jordan wants some alone time. He starts to walk in circles around the edge of the room muttering to himself under his breath so quietly that I can hear that he is speaking, but can't hear what he is saying. I walk with him on the opposite side of the room and mutter softly to myself too. Jordan interrupts his monologue with "Mummy will be quiet" as I am distracting him with my mumblings. So now I walk as gently and quietly as I can so as not to disturb him and I stop speaking. But I still want to join him as closely as I can, but not audibly, as I want to demonstrate my love for him and my acceptance of his choice of activity. So, in my head, I continue my own discussion.
It is at this point that I like to focus on what I want for myself and Jordan. In my head I am saying over and over 'I love you and I want to play with you, I love you and I want to play with you'. Then I use a visualisation to put that idea out into the room, so with every breath that I exhale I imagine that I am blowing up a huge balloon that fills the playroom with love and playfulness. Or with every breath I imagine blowing out a little playful butterfly that will fly around the room and fill it with love, laughter and playfulness. Another one that I like is, if I feel my level of 3 E's dropping is to imagine blowing out some little clowns who will bounce around the room doing some fun slapstick antics.
I make up that these visualisations have an effect on the amount of interaction between us. They definately help me focus on my love for Jordan and how much I want him to connect with me. How does joining look in your playroom?
So I am in the playroom and we have just played a game, now Jordan wants some alone time. He starts to walk in circles around the edge of the room muttering to himself under his breath so quietly that I can hear that he is speaking, but can't hear what he is saying. I walk with him on the opposite side of the room and mutter softly to myself too. Jordan interrupts his monologue with "Mummy will be quiet" as I am distracting him with my mumblings. So now I walk as gently and quietly as I can so as not to disturb him and I stop speaking. But I still want to join him as closely as I can, but not audibly, as I want to demonstrate my love for him and my acceptance of his choice of activity. So, in my head, I continue my own discussion.
It is at this point that I like to focus on what I want for myself and Jordan. In my head I am saying over and over 'I love you and I want to play with you, I love you and I want to play with you'. Then I use a visualisation to put that idea out into the room, so with every breath that I exhale I imagine that I am blowing up a huge balloon that fills the playroom with love and playfulness. Or with every breath I imagine blowing out a little playful butterfly that will fly around the room and fill it with love, laughter and playfulness. Another one that I like is, if I feel my level of 3 E's dropping is to imagine blowing out some little clowns who will bounce around the room doing some fun slapstick antics.
I make up that these visualisations have an effect on the amount of interaction between us. They definately help me focus on my love for Jordan and how much I want him to connect with me. How does joining look in your playroom?
Labels: Attitude, Environment, Joining
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posted by Alison Taylor at
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Friday, December 4, 2009
From Becky: Prime of My Life!
From Becky: Today it is my 35th birthday! Recently I was having a conversation with one of my close friends about how my birthday was coming up and it wasn't a big deal. My friend said "Don't you ever say that it's not a big deal! Your birthday is the day you were born and that's a very BIG DEAL!!!"
From that moment, I realized that by saying that I was playing myself down and making myself small and irrelevant which is how I lived most of my life up until coming the work at The Autism Treatment Center of America. I changed my attitude in an instant.
So today I am going to celebrate celebrate celebrate! It is really something that I am here, I am alive and I was born!
It matters that I choose happiness everyday when so many people around me are choosing anger, hate and discomfort.
It is a big deal that I have helped so many families reach their special children over the years and that I have inspired children to stretch and grow in unimaginable ways.
It is important that I have challenged so many beliefs, and changed the ones that weren't working for me anymore, even when I thought for sure that I wasn't able to.
And most of all, I am extremely grateful to myself for being my own biggest teacher.
I am in the prime of my life! Some may think that being in your twenties is being in the prime of your life. As I turn 35 today, I am living my life in a bigger way than I ever have.
When I was thirty, I began my journey at The Autism Treatment Center of America, and began an incredible adventure, an adventure of love, acceptance and hope. Why would I want to be younger when I have so much more today?
I encourage you all to celebrate yourselves for being born today! You matter and you are a big deal!
From that moment, I realized that by saying that I was playing myself down and making myself small and irrelevant which is how I lived most of my life up until coming the work at The Autism Treatment Center of America. I changed my attitude in an instant.
So today I am going to celebrate celebrate celebrate! It is really something that I am here, I am alive and I was born!
It matters that I choose happiness everyday when so many people around me are choosing anger, hate and discomfort.
It is a big deal that I have helped so many families reach their special children over the years and that I have inspired children to stretch and grow in unimaginable ways.
It is important that I have challenged so many beliefs, and changed the ones that weren't working for me anymore, even when I thought for sure that I wasn't able to.
And most of all, I am extremely grateful to myself for being my own biggest teacher.
I am in the prime of my life! Some may think that being in your twenties is being in the prime of your life. As I turn 35 today, I am living my life in a bigger way than I ever have.
When I was thirty, I began my journey at The Autism Treatment Center of America, and began an incredible adventure, an adventure of love, acceptance and hope. Why would I want to be younger when I have so much more today?
I encourage you all to celebrate yourselves for being born today! You matter and you are a big deal!
Labels: Attitude, Celebrations, Inspiration, Personal Growth, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
5:54 AM
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Wednesday, December 2, 2009
From Kate Wilde and Bryn Hogan: Letting Go
From Kate Wilde and Bryn Hogan:
On our ride to the airport this morning we were discussing the topic of 'letting go'. We were reflecting on all the parents we work with using The Son-Rise Program who want so much for their children and their families. They want with passion and a deep desire to make a difference.
At the same time, there is sometimes a struggle between these strong wants and the 'need' for our children to change, to grow in the ways and at the speed we want them to. We have found ourselves, in relation to Jade and Malik(Bryn and William Hogans children) becoming attached to the outcome, wanting them to gain a skill, learn a lesson or grow in what we see as an important direction.
Yet, we came back to, as we have so many times before to the knowledge that we have to always balance our wants with a strong ability to 'let go'. To not push. To not 'need' them to perform to our standards.
But to allow them to blossom, to fall down, to go slowly, to not learn, to even resist...and to love them as they do so. (Sometimes we even resist their resistance - how useful is that?). So, we're left, as with everything in the Son-Rise Program, with love.
To any question, in any situation, love is always the answer. When we 'let go', love is all that's left.
Love to all
Kate and Bryn
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posted by Kate Wilde at
7:12 AM
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Tuesday, December 1, 2009
From Becky: Being Present!
From Becky: Recently I flew to Houston, TX to work with a beautiful Mother and her son for the weekend using The Son-Rise Program.
One of the principles of The Son-Rise Program is to be present when we are working with our children in the playroom so that we are comfortable and super aware of how to help them. Being present is something I have practised over the years but I do not always choose it outside of the playroom.
One area where I don't typically choose to be present is when I am travelling. On this flight to Houston, I had a long journey ahead of me, getting up at 3am to get on a flight and then a connecting flight to my destination.
Usually when I'm flying, there comes a point that I start living in the past or the future (e.g. "I wish I had got a window seat", "I hope we get there soon", etc).
As I sat on my 3 hour flight from Washington Dulles to Houston, there was nothing but the present moment. I decided to focus on the here and now and embrace each moment that came. I sat for three hours, allowing nothing else to come into my mind about what was going to happen next, or what had already happened.
Our children are so present, they find joy in the simplest things (e.g. shaking a drumstick, eating, pacing back and fourth, etc). There is nowhere for them to be, nothing else for them to do.
As I sat being present for that extended period of time, I came to a place of complete peace and as a result of that I had a great experience, instead of an "OK" one.
One of the principles of The Son-Rise Program is to be present when we are working with our children in the playroom so that we are comfortable and super aware of how to help them. Being present is something I have practised over the years but I do not always choose it outside of the playroom.
One area where I don't typically choose to be present is when I am travelling. On this flight to Houston, I had a long journey ahead of me, getting up at 3am to get on a flight and then a connecting flight to my destination.
Usually when I'm flying, there comes a point that I start living in the past or the future (e.g. "I wish I had got a window seat", "I hope we get there soon", etc).
As I sat on my 3 hour flight from Washington Dulles to Houston, there was nothing but the present moment. I decided to focus on the here and now and embrace each moment that came. I sat for three hours, allowing nothing else to come into my mind about what was going to happen next, or what had already happened.
Our children are so present, they find joy in the simplest things (e.g. shaking a drumstick, eating, pacing back and fourth, etc). There is nowhere for them to be, nothing else for them to do.
As I sat being present for that extended period of time, I came to a place of complete peace and as a result of that I had a great experience, instead of an "OK" one.
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
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Sunday, November 29, 2009
From Kate Wilde: Acceptance
From Kate Wilde; The House of Wisdom has no walls.
The Son-Rise Program believes in the power of accepting everything about a child on the Autism Spectrum. We do not believe in the concepts of appropriate or inappropriate behaviour, in good or bad, right or wrong. These just create walls between us and a child who is doing the best that they can to take care of themselves, in an often confusing world.
When we see a child, or an adult through the lens of, "This person is doing the best that they can." Then we want to move towards, verses against what we see, and that's when we can start to create opportunities for growth.
All growth starts with acceptance.
If you are facing a situation today that you are finding difficult or challenging ask yourself; Am I moving towards this or against this?
If your answer is against, then take a moment, close your eyes and find a soft place inside of yourself to embrace this situation. There is no situation that you cannot embrace.
Find this place first.
I send so much love and care and good wishes to you all.
Kate Read more!
The Son-Rise Program believes in the power of accepting everything about a child on the Autism Spectrum. We do not believe in the concepts of appropriate or inappropriate behaviour, in good or bad, right or wrong. These just create walls between us and a child who is doing the best that they can to take care of themselves, in an often confusing world.
When we see a child, or an adult through the lens of, "This person is doing the best that they can." Then we want to move towards, verses against what we see, and that's when we can start to create opportunities for growth.
All growth starts with acceptance.
If you are facing a situation today that you are finding difficult or challenging ask yourself; Am I moving towards this or against this?
If your answer is against, then take a moment, close your eyes and find a soft place inside of yourself to embrace this situation. There is no situation that you cannot embrace.
Find this place first.
I send so much love and care and good wishes to you all.
Kate Read more!
posted by Kate Wilde at
5:59 AM
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009
From Alison: An epiphany in happiness and being present
Being present has always been one of my greatest challenges in the playroom, here's how I found a way to overcome this.
It's late in the afternoon and I am nearing the end of another playroom session with my son Jordan, we both love music and we have had a great time discussing at length the number of movements that there are in a piano concerto by Mozart - the answer to which is three. As we start the conversation again I find that my mind is starting to wander, I'm thinking about what I might like to eat for dinner, what jobs are left to be done in the house, how I might spend my evening. All these things in this moment seem to be more important than being present and giving Jordan my full attention - after all how hard is it to come up with the word 'three' at the point in the conversation where Jordan asks 'how many movements are there in a Mozart piano concerto'. But if you asked me to take a step back and choose; would I rather spend my time thinking about housework or loving and connecting with my son Jordan, it would be a no brainer - Jordan would get my attention every time. So why am I still thinking about the housework?
It's late in the afternoon and I am nearing the end of another playroom session with my son Jordan, we both love music and we have had a great time discussing at length the number of movements that there are in a piano concerto by Mozart - the answer to which is three. As we start the conversation again I find that my mind is starting to wander, I'm thinking about what I might like to eat for dinner, what jobs are left to be done in the house, how I might spend my evening. All these things in this moment seem to be more important than being present and giving Jordan my full attention - after all how hard is it to come up with the word 'three' at the point in the conversation where Jordan asks 'how many movements are there in a Mozart piano concerto'. But if you asked me to take a step back and choose; would I rather spend my time thinking about housework or loving and connecting with my son Jordan, it would be a no brainer - Jordan would get my attention every time. So why am I still thinking about the housework?
Recently, I have found that my approach to life contained lots of purposes like going in the playroom, designing fun games, connecting with my friends, but no real intentions as to where I wanted to go for myself. I decided to take on some intentions that Bears suggested: to make happiness my priority, to love, and to have a closer walk with God. Happiness exists in the moment that we are in right now. We can bring memories from the past into the present and make ourselves happy thinking about them or anticipate an event in the future by bringing that thought up now, but essentially being happy is about being in this moment and deciding to be happy.
So, having decided this, I am back in the playroom again having the same conversation about the Mozart piano concerto. But this time, I build from the conversation because I am present, by pretending to play the piano in a very fast and furious way. Jordan then joins me and we have a piano race to see who can play the fastest and loudest (entirely possible on an air piano). But even more cool, when we get out of the playroom Jordan wants to play a duet of the Mozart piano concerto on the real piano and it turns out he knows the whole concerto in his head and can sort of play it.
So, by making happiness my priority for myself in my life I am more present - How wonderful.
Labels: Attitude
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posted by Alison Taylor at
1:16 AM
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Friday, November 13, 2009
Do it Anyway.
"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid" -Audre Lorde
I have these words written on a postcard taped to my bathroom mirror. They have helped me move through any fears I may have about new or challenging things I might be doing. Like when I was learning to present the Son-Rise Program in front of 100's of people, or when I began my teacher training and had to learn to trust myself.
My vision is to do what it takes to help as many parents know about The Son-Rise Program, and to help them know how to help their special children and believe that they are the most powerful person to help their children on the Autism Spectrum.
Your vision I believe is to help your special children grow to be the best that they can be. I write these words today to you so that they may help you to do new and challenging things in the name of your children. Whether you are about to run your first group meeting with your volunteers. or give feedback to a volunteer and tell them something that you would like them to do differently with your child. Or maybe you are about to take your child out of school and start a home based program, or you are beginning a home based program without the support of your extended family. Maybe your are fundraising for the first time to help you get services for your child.
Keep hold of your vision for your child and this will help you do what is difficult for you. By doing it anyway it will become easier and easier, and you will be living the life that you want.
Be bold - start doing.
Know that we are thinking about you, supporting you and respect all that you do with and for your children each day.
Much love
Kate
I have these words written on a postcard taped to my bathroom mirror. They have helped me move through any fears I may have about new or challenging things I might be doing. Like when I was learning to present the Son-Rise Program in front of 100's of people, or when I began my teacher training and had to learn to trust myself.
My vision is to do what it takes to help as many parents know about The Son-Rise Program, and to help them know how to help their special children and believe that they are the most powerful person to help their children on the Autism Spectrum.
Your vision I believe is to help your special children grow to be the best that they can be. I write these words today to you so that they may help you to do new and challenging things in the name of your children. Whether you are about to run your first group meeting with your volunteers. or give feedback to a volunteer and tell them something that you would like them to do differently with your child. Or maybe you are about to take your child out of school and start a home based program, or you are beginning a home based program without the support of your extended family. Maybe your are fundraising for the first time to help you get services for your child.
Keep hold of your vision for your child and this will help you do what is difficult for you. By doing it anyway it will become easier and easier, and you will be living the life that you want.
Be bold - start doing.
Know that we are thinking about you, supporting you and respect all that you do with and for your children each day.
Much love
Kate
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Kate
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posted by Kate Wilde at
5:02 AM
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Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Being Hit & Punched and Love and Acceptance!!
Step 1. Don't Light Up Like a Christmas Tree!!
I just spoke to a mother on the phone this morning who wants to come to the Son-Rise Program Start-Up. One of the issues she wanted help with regarding her son, who is 5 yrs old, was the fact that he is aggressive towards her, hitting, punching and biting her. This is part of what I shared with her, which I thought would be a great reminder to you all. Enjoy.
I just spoke to a mother on the phone this morning who wants to come to the Son-Rise Program Start-Up. One of the issues she wanted help with regarding her son, who is 5 yrs old, was the fact that he is aggressive towards her, hitting, punching and biting her. This is part of what I shared with her, which I thought would be a great reminder to you all. Enjoy.
- Don't light up like a Christmas Tree: Getting annoyed or frustrated and angrily telling your child to "stop it", "it hurts", "that's bad," etc., in most situations, will encourage them to do this behavior more. Do your best to be as low energy as possible as you do #2 below.
- Look after Yourself: Love and acceptance does not mean you sit there while your child "beats the crap out of you!" Part of love and acceptance is wanting the best for yourself and your child. Take action - stand up if you are sitting down, get a cushion or big ball and put it in between you and your child; if they are trying to bite you - offer them something to chew on, etc. Bottom line - look after yourself and help your child channel their energy into something that would help them and also keep you from getting hit, bitten, etc.
- Run your Son-Rise Program: Each hour, each day you run your Son-Rise Program will be time spent helping your child develop their ability to interact and socialize more appropriately, which in turn helps them handle the over stimulation of day to day life and especially those situations where they do not get what they want. Many families have reported that when they started running their Son-Rise Program their child's "aggressive" behaviors greatly reduce or stopped all together.
If you want more information on handling such behaviors go to our homepage at http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org/ , scrowl down the page and watch webinar #13 call Aggressive Behaviors.
Have the best time helping yourself and your child.
Much love to you
William
Labels: Aggressive Behaviors, Attitude, Training Programs, William
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posted by William Hogan, Senior Son-Rise Program Teacher at
9:04 AM
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Thursday, November 5, 2009
In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning
Every once and a while, I wake up in the middle of the night from a scary dream or from having too many things on my to-do list... But I've found that no matter how scared or stressed I feel, I am always able to find my way back to sleep quickly by imagining that somewhere in the world, someone is playing in a Son-Rise Program playroom at every moment my day or night.
Perhaps it's because I have Australia on the brain, as I'm leaving in two weeks for a holiday in Australia and New Zealand, or perhaps it's because I speak to so many families from ALL over the world every single day - from Poland, Nigeria, England, Scotland, Ireland, Australia, Quebec, the Philippines, all 50 US states - just to name a few. Whatever the cause, I've been thinking a lot lately about how beautiful it is that there are SO many Son-Rise Program families out there - families who have made the choice to live their lives with a powerful intention - to love and accept their children exactly as they are.
For me, the playroom has become a sanctuary - where I can go and enjoy every moment - no matter what might be going on in my life or in the world outside. When I'm joining a child's ism or celebrating a child's sound, or laughing a child's first joke, I am completely 100% present in that room. So, for me, there's nothing more beautiful than the thought that at every minute of every day, somewhere in the world someone is in the playroom having a fabulous time.
The next time you're stuck, upset, scared, awake in the middle of the night - you're welcome to join me - by celebrating the joy of the playrooms all around the world. It brings a smile to my face and a peaceful feeling to my heart every single time.
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Perhaps it's because I have Australia on the brain, as I'm leaving in two weeks for a holiday in Australia and New Zealand, or perhaps it's because I speak to so many families from ALL over the world every single day - from Poland, Nigeria, England, Scotland, Ireland, Australia, Quebec, the Philippines, all 50 US states - just to name a few. Whatever the cause, I've been thinking a lot lately about how beautiful it is that there are SO many Son-Rise Program families out there - families who have made the choice to live their lives with a powerful intention - to love and accept their children exactly as they are.
For me, the playroom has become a sanctuary - where I can go and enjoy every moment - no matter what might be going on in my life or in the world outside. When I'm joining a child's ism or celebrating a child's sound, or laughing a child's first joke, I am completely 100% present in that room. So, for me, there's nothing more beautiful than the thought that at every minute of every day, somewhere in the world someone is in the playroom having a fabulous time.
The next time you're stuck, upset, scared, awake in the middle of the night - you're welcome to join me - by celebrating the joy of the playrooms all around the world. It brings a smile to my face and a peaceful feeling to my heart every single time.
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posted by Carolina, Son-Rise Program Senior Teacher at
6:41 AM
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Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What's Most Important
This morning as I was getting the kids 'out the door' for school, we were rushing. My son couldn't find his cleats, the trash bag broke on the floor and we were rushing. I was focused on getting things done, on meeting my deadline to get them to school. I was focused on this until my daughter Jade said, "Mom" and she took my hand. I went to her and then, while holding my hand she said, "Dad, come here" and he came over. She put her arms around both of us and pulled us into a three way embrace. We stood in the kitchen, holding each other. She kissed my cheek and my husband kissed her head. We all looked at each other and smiled.
Then, I couldn't remember why I'd been rushing. I did though remember why my daughter would have thought for us to take this moment together. I remembered all the hours and days and weeks and years we spent in her Son-Rise Program playroom, working with her, helping her to 'come out' of her Autism. We focused not on 'getting things done' but on love and kindness, on hugs and sharing. Today, no longer having any Autism, my daughter is a living example of all we did then, and a daily reminder of what is actually most important.
Bryn
Then, I couldn't remember why I'd been rushing. I did though remember why my daughter would have thought for us to take this moment together. I remembered all the hours and days and weeks and years we spent in her Son-Rise Program playroom, working with her, helping her to 'come out' of her Autism. We focused not on 'getting things done' but on love and kindness, on hugs and sharing. Today, no longer having any Autism, my daughter is a living example of all we did then, and a daily reminder of what is actually most important.
Bryn
Labels: Attitude, Bryn, Inspiration
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posted by Bryn Hogan, Executive Director, ATCA at
6:55 AM
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Monday, October 26, 2009
What Your Soul Sings
I recently came across the lyrics to a song that really touched me. Since working at The Autism Treatment Center of America, I have learned to be more authentic, to listen to my inner voice and follow my heart and most importantly to love myself. Enjoy.
What Your Soul Sings
Don't be afraid
Open your mouth and say
Say what your soul sings to you
Your mind can never change
Unless you ask it to
Lovingly re-arrange
The thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down
Only do harm to you
So make your choice joy
The joy belongs to you
And when you do
You'll find the one you love is you
You'll find you love you
Don't be ashamed
To open your heart and pray
Say what your soul sings
To you
So no longer pretend
That you can't feel it near
That tickle on your head
That tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything
Because it loves you dear
It's your most precious king
If only you could hear
And when you do
You'll find the one you need is you
You'll find you love you
What Your Soul Sings
Don't be afraid
Open your mouth and say
Say what your soul sings to you
Your mind can never change
Unless you ask it to
Lovingly re-arrange
The thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down
Only do harm to you
So make your choice joy
The joy belongs to you
And when you do
You'll find the one you love is you
You'll find you love you
Don't be ashamed
To open your heart and pray
Say what your soul sings
To you
So no longer pretend
That you can't feel it near
That tickle on your head
That tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything
Because it loves you dear
It's your most precious king
If only you could hear
And when you do
You'll find the one you need is you
You'll find you love you
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Personal Growth, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
10:54 AM
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Wednesday, October 21, 2009
It's All About Attitude
At The Son-Rise Program we choose to believe that anything is possible for out children. Check out this amazing video about how the attitude you have greatly affects the experience you have in life.
Labels: Attitude, Inspiration, Son-Rise Program Staff
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posted by Becky Damgaard, Son-Rise Program Teacher at
10:11 AM
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Learning
Here at the Autism Treatment Center of America we work with children on the Autism Spectrum who have many challenges doing every day things that us neuro-typical folks take for granted. This week we have a great fun and feisty 4 year old boy with autism taking The Son-Rise Program Intensive.
The thing that is so impressive about him is his desire to learn. He is learning to speak, and is earnestly trying to form single words. He is so inspiring to me because he just tries and tries and then tries again. It is obvious that he finds this hard, it is challenging for him but that does not deter him. He is putting his whole heart and mind into it, and he is getting it.
How many times do we stop doing something just because it is not easy for us? When we learn new things, we are creating new path ways in our brains, or working new muscles in our bodies, thus it stands to reason that it may feel awkward to begin with, that it may feel strange, that we may not get it straight away. What would happen if we saw this as a sign of our capability to learn, instead of a sign that we cannot do?
Not only would this make learning fun, but would help us stay with something and therefore give us the opportunity to actually learn it.
Are you giving up on something just because it is not immediately easy for you?
Sending much love and thoughts your way today!
Kate
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posted by Kate Wilde at
6:16 AM
2 Comments
Monday, October 19, 2009
Connection.
The Autism Treatment Center of America is rocking this week! We have two children here with their families doing the Son-Rise Program Intensive. We also have many parents from all over the world here to do Maximum Impact, an advanced week long Son-Rise Program.
I can feel the connections, learnings, love and delight that is happening as I walk about our campus! I want to send some of it out to all of you who are working so wonderfully in each of your Son-Rise Program Playrooms - and to everyone who is working with an Autistic child in any type of home program or school.
As you are working with your beautiful child ask yourself this question, "Am I connected with them right now, do I know what they are liking and where their attention is, or am I off on my own agenda and do not really have any sense whether my child is with me or not".
If your are connected to where your child is in that moment celebrate yourself, and keep on with what your are doing, for you are as close to them as you can be and on the path to helping your child get strong in creating relationships.
If the answer no, I am off my own agenda only concerned with the things I want, and I have no idea what my child is wanting or liking in this moment, then first celebrate yourself for noticing. Then take a step back, observe what it is your child is doing in the moment, decide to like it, then decide to love it and join in. By that I mean do exactly what your child is doing. This is the key to connecting with our chidlren and helping get strong in creating relationships with people.
Much love to all of you.
Kate Read more!
I can feel the connections, learnings, love and delight that is happening as I walk about our campus! I want to send some of it out to all of you who are working so wonderfully in each of your Son-Rise Program Playrooms - and to everyone who is working with an Autistic child in any type of home program or school.
As you are working with your beautiful child ask yourself this question, "Am I connected with them right now, do I know what they are liking and where their attention is, or am I off on my own agenda and do not really have any sense whether my child is with me or not".
If your are connected to where your child is in that moment celebrate yourself, and keep on with what your are doing, for you are as close to them as you can be and on the path to helping your child get strong in creating relationships.
If the answer no, I am off my own agenda only concerned with the things I want, and I have no idea what my child is wanting or liking in this moment, then first celebrate yourself for noticing. Then take a step back, observe what it is your child is doing in the moment, decide to like it, then decide to love it and join in. By that I mean do exactly what your child is doing. This is the key to connecting with our chidlren and helping get strong in creating relationships with people.
Much love to all of you.
Kate Read more!
posted by Kate Wilde at
1:58 PM
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